Wow

It has been a while...wow. I have started writing a post a few times and then deleted it, I have a ton going on. I really should blog more, it would help. I have been dealing with a lot of things lately, or at least trying to deal with things. I'm sick of my job and sick of having such a hard time finding one. I mean, I have a degree and can't find a decent job. I hate all the stresses that comes with my job. I hate being crabby all the time. I have been wondering a lot lately what the big man upstairs has in mind for me. I feel like nothing ever works out. Does he want me to be miserable, because it is working. Then I see people around me and things always work out for them. I know I shouldn't worry about that, but I have a hard time not doing that. I am also having issues with our church. There are a couple of things, but the only one that I will talk about on here. I have been feeling for a while that I just don't fit in. My church has lots of classes and things, but those seem too pushy to me. Why do I have to do all these classes in order to make friends? There are nice people at church, but I feel so alone most of the time. But, there is nothing I can do. I'm not going to make my family go somewhere else because the hubby plays in the band and he loves that, I can't take him away from that. I just feel stuck. I try so hard to do things with people and things never work out. But, then I see all these people hanging out together. I feel like I am back in high school and there are these cliques everywhere. Someone even said that I need to try to do things instead of sitting around, that made me mad. I just don't know what to think or do anymore. Ok, so this post might be a whiny one, but please bare with me. Jamie is such a good little boy, but his learning style is touching things. He likes to touch everything, cuddle, hold hands. But, I am having a hard time when I put him in nursery on Sundays and some of the kids are always saying "no Jamie, don't touch" or are mean to him. How do you explain to young kids that he is not being mean, that he will just grab your hand and say hi? The kids don't get it and I don't think all the parents get it. I really don't want to put him in there because it kills me to see him playing alone and these kids telling him no all the time. He only has a couple of weeks left in nursery and then he will be able to go to walk out worship during church, so hopefully that will be better. Anyway, I think I will end this now and post later this week. I just have so many feelings and thoughts right now and I don't know what to do anymore. Now, onto more cheery things.... :)