A New Day

Ok, today is a new day.  I am still mad, stressed, all of the above!  But, it is a new day.  I got an awesome comment on yesterday's post.  She said to write down what I did during the day and not make a list of things that need to be done and not to care about everything else.  Great idea, right!?  So, here goes.  Today, I had an appointment with the chiropractor, came home for about 10 minutes and then left for gymnastics.  Got home from that and was home for about 15 minutes and then it was off to Oliver's therapy.  Got home, put the boys down for naps, picked up some of living room, although there are still some things that need to be put away but I was trying not to throw up pretty much the whole time.  I'm trying to figure out what to do for supper tonight.  I have pretty much no groceries in the house.  We ran out of milk this morning.  I have eggs, but Oliver won't eat those.  I found some pork chops, but we have been having those a lot lately because they are easy.  After nap, we will probably have to run to the store quick for milk and bread.  We have a store a few minutes down the road, but it is more expensive than going to Meijer.  I might stop at Jimmy Johns and get their super yummy number 13 veggie sandwhich!  Yeah, I'm suppose to be gluten free, but only certain things sound good right now and those sandwhiches seem to be what my stomach needs.  I really need to feel better soon so I can get back on my gluten free stuff.  My knees are killing me right now!  I have an update started on the boys that I hope to finish and post soon.  Now, time to relax a little bit more before the boys wake up :)

Rant

I will apologize now, but I need to rant.  I really, really hate that my house is a disaster right now, I hate that I don't have any help, I hate that I feel so alone, it bothers the crap out of me that I am so sick and can't clean my house like I want to, I hate that I feel like because I am the mom/wife that it is my job to do everything, I hate crying all the time.  I wish that my stomach didn't hurt whenever I bent over or that bending over wouldn't make me throw up.  Why am I being such a baby?  Why can't I do this??  Why can't someone actually pick-up around the house.  I feel like I have to put myself last, as long as everyone else is happy.  We need groceries, but when it is nap time and only me here, that isn't going to happen.  I want to snap my fingers and have my house clean, laundry done and put away, dishes done.  Some people just don't understand how awful I feel.  Being pregnant is one of those funny things, you never know how you are going to feel.  For me, it keeps getting worse.  Oh knows, maybe I am being a big wimp and should just suck it up, take care of everything and not worry about anything else.  One more thing.  Why is it so hard to throw something away when you are done?!  For example, mac and cheese is made, why must the box and the cheese bag stay on the counter!?  Ok, I think I am done now :)

Reality

Ok, let's be real here.  Being pregnant is not as glamorous as portrayed in movies!  Some of us feel like crap all day, have weird pains everywhere, there are potty issues, all the tiredness, the throwing up...which is especially fun when it is something different every time, the crazy heartburn, then there are the boobs!  Oh my word!  Then, if you have kids, you need to chase them around, try to make meals, try to clean the house and remember or even feel like taking a shower that day.  I really like when my little one decides to wake up at 7 and then proceed to wake up his brother!  My boys usually sleep til at least 9.  My house looks like a tornado went through it.  A few weeks ago, I watched the movie, What to Expect When You Are Expecting.....love it!  There is one woman who just has the "prefect" pregnancy and it really ticks off another lady who is having a miserable time.  The second lady talked about how things can suck and not be fun and so many ladies loved it.  I loved how that movie had so many real things in it.  We may be absolutely miserable, but yet we keep having more.  Funny how that works!  I really do enjoy that little bundle I get in the end.  Holding that baby, looking in their eyes, snuggling, it all makes up for the horrible 9 months I had :) 

I heard the little one's heartbeat today!  After hearing that, everything seems real.  Those first weeks, it is hard to believe it is true, but that heartbeat, that changes all. 

Can You Repeat That, Please?!

I went to see my doctor last week.  I still have my normal first baby appointment for next week, but I have been feeling so off.  I have been feeling pretty sick, but I know that will disappear soon....hopefully :)  On top of the sick feeling and actually getting sick, I have been extremely tired.  I can get 8-9 hours of sleep at night, but an hour after I get up, I am ready for a nap.  I have been having lots of belly pain also.  My doctor said to get some more fiber in my diet...for obvious reasons :)  Getting all the fiber you need while being gluten free is not always the easiest.  I need more water (which I think it just gross!).  When they do my blood work, they will also check my thyroid, just to make sure.  Then she had me lay down so she could feel my belly.  When she pushed on the top of my belly, under my ribs, she asked if it hurt.  I told her it did.  Now we have to keep an eye on that pain because she said it could be my gallbladder and if it stays like that, it would have to come out before the baby is born.  Seriously?!  I don't want that.  After I got home, I realized that my belly hurts there a lot, I just thought it was normal pains.  She also said to get back to my gluten free diet.  My system could be on an overload.  I am hoping that in a couple of weeks, the belly pain goes away.  I also got some new medicine for my lovely morning sickness.  I got some Zofran.  I thought it would be my new best friend, but now, it doesn't seem to do anything :(  I am only 9 weeks, I shouldn't be having all these issues...haha!  I am hoping it ends soon.  We took Jamie to gymnastics this morning, then lunch (gotta love coupons), and then Target quick.  I really overdid it today.  I feel like poo right now!  I have supper in the oven and I'm hoping to feel at least a little better after I eat.  I also have this 4 year old laying next to me right now talking nonstop!  He has not been a very good  boy the past couple of days.  All of that does not help my situation at all.  I noticed that when I get mad and all worked up, things hurt worse....keep it cool mama!  Well, time to finish up supper and get the little one up from nap....something the older one refused to take today :)

Some Thoughts

Have you ever felt judged for how you do things just by what people write on their blogs, or on the internet, or what they say?  Even if they are just talking and not saying it towards anyone?  I've been feeling that a lot lately.  I see things on blogs, or Facebook, or just people talking.  I know that they aren't talking about me, but it is just the tone that comes across.  It got me thinking....which my dad always warned me about because I might hurt myself :) 

So, you know what?!  I love butter!  That is right, I put it on almost everything.  Paula Deen would be proud of the all the butter I used to make hash browns tonight.  I am all about eating healthy, but come on.  I'm not going to get rid of everything and just live off of beans and grass.  We may have gone gluten free, but we still eat yummy foods.  Another thing, I had epidurals with both boys and definitely plan on doing it again.  Good for you if you can do it without, but me, can't do it!  If I can have some lovely drugs to take the pain away, I'm all for it.  I went 6 or 7 hours with Jamie and that was all I could do.  Oliver, that pain was so intense from the very beginning.  I loved that with Oliver, after I got that epidural, I just laid back in my bed, watched some music videos on CMT and pushed out a lovely little boy :)  My babies were formula fed.  I have nothing against breast feeding moms, but it was just a personal choice for me.  The thing that bothers me, is that you get some moms who get a little crazy and think that if you give your babies formula, then you are a bad mom.  I think that is where I feel most judged and it isn't even people saying things to me personally.  My boys are perfectly healthy.  Jamie had his fair share of ear infections but then Oliver, not a single ear infection....ever!  Oliver would drink a gallon of milk in 2 days if I let him....I've heard that supposedly, dairy causes ear infections.  Oliver also has asthma, but so do I and I was breastfed.  Something else, I love rocking my babies!  I was thinking about this the other day and how much I missed it.  I rocked Jamie to sleep til he was about 13 or 14 months old.  Oliver was much younger, but he just wanted to lay in his bed and go to sleep on his own.  I love snuggling with them.  They are only young once.  That rocking time, that was my special time with them.  It was just the two of us, we could talk.  Well, I would talk and they would stare!  Stick that pacifier in when nothing else would work, golden.  I can't wait to snuggle this new baby and rock him/her.  Now, this post isn't meant to judge or put anyone down.  I am just putting myself out there.  I know there are other moms out there like me :)  I am also a baby wearing, cloth diapering mama.  I love my Moby wrap and Ergo carrier.  But, just because I use cloth diapers, doesn't mean that it happens all the time.  I have some right now that really need to be washed and Oliver has been wearing regular diapers.  I really do prefer the cloth ones.  They cost a little more money when you first get started, but that is it.  Obviously, it is more work, but it saves us money.  And, they are pretty cute!  Most times in our house, you will find the TV on.  At night, it is me....all me!  During the day, I think it is on mostly for noise.  The boys watch some cartoons in the morning, but then they are off playing in their room, or playing downstairs and really don't pay any attention to the TV.  So why is it on?  Good question! 

So, there it is!  Hopefully some of you understand where I am coming from.  This is what works for me.  Plus, I really don't like feeling as if I'm being looked down upon.  Well, this mama needs to hit they hay!