Tired

We all know that having kids is hard and you get tired, but I don't think we really understand just how hard it is!  I am so tired, but have learned to just deal with it and some how keep going.  The fourth little boy arrived on January 1 of this year.  Four boys....that is hard!  They are active little boogers :)  I beat myself up everyday, wondering what I could have done better, why did I yell like that?  I don't like to yell, even though it seems that I have been doing a lot of it lately!  I wish I could get inside that head of the 4 year old and figure out why he does what he does.  Most days, I am beyond tired.  I sometimes doze off when I'm putting the almost 2 year old down for nap.  I feel bad when I do that though, like I should be cleaning, doing the dishes, putting away laundry, along with a million other things!  I wonder if I am the only one who knows how to do any of those things :)  Does anyone else ever feel like that?!  If you come to my house unannounced, you will see toys all over, probably some food on the floor, things stacked up on the dining room table and usually the counters have dishes sitting there.  I want my house to be clean, but honestly, I have 4 kids!  I want to play with my kids, spend time with them. I don't like when they ask to do things and I tell them it will have to wait because I need to clean up.  I have gotten good at little 5 minute clean ups during the day.  I need some of that energy that my kids have!  I feel like I am being judged for the way my house looks, how my kids act, how I look.  This post is really going in a bunch of directions!  Ok....parenthood is hard.  Those people who act like their life is perfect, their kids are perfect, they are lying!  My kids are great kids, but they are not perfect, they can be pretty naughty!  But, even though it is hard, it is still a pretty cool gig.  I had more I wanted to write, but I am pretty tired and there is a baby who will need a bottle soon.  Maybe I will attempt more tomorrow :)