Nervous

I'm getting nervous about having this baby.  I think it has been on my mind lately because my sister-in-law is about to have her first baby any day.  I remember being so scared with Jamie.  He wasn't planned and I was not prepared for anything.  He was a very good surprise, but one that scared me.  I was nervous with Oliver because of the horror of Jamie's birth and I was scared that it would happen again.  Jamie was induced, a very long labor, epidural was done wrong and wore off, he got stuck, needed forceps, and I had other issues for almost a month after he was born.  Oliver came on his own, very quick labor, hard and fast contractions, a very nice epidural and he came out just fine!  I know that I am not crazy for being nervous about delivery.  It is a very scary thing.  Sure, our bodies were built for this, but it is still such a hard thing on the body.  I worry about the baby, I worry about me, I worry about the hubby passing out :)  Now, I have two little boys to worry about and how they will handle the new baby.  I am not nervous about that though.  Jamie did very well with Oliver and understands so much more now and can't wait to be a big brother again.  Oliver loves babies now and we talk a lot about the baby and how he can help and pick out a special blanket for the baby.  The boys each have a special blanket that they were given at birth and both fell in love with them.  With Jamie, we had to buy another one so I could wash the first one!  No other blanket would do!  The same thing happened with Oliver.  So, this time, we are buying two blankets right away :)  Anyway, back to being nervous.  I get nervous about the pain.  I know, I'm a wimp!  I will totally take advantage of that epidural!  I know that I cannot handle that pain.  The pain was something I was also not prepared for with Oliver.  At least with Jamie, it was gradual.  Oliver, they started a little after 3am and were a minute apart by 3:30!  I shouldn't worry about any of this though.  I will get a precious little baby out of the deal!  Everything we go through is totally worth it.....although it doesn't seem like that while we are in the process!  Alright, enough of thinking about it!  We are going to a Christmas parade tonight and I need to prepare for that.

Frustrating

So many things are frustrating me right now.  I want to quit my job and take care of my boys and myself, but I can't.  I wish we didn't have to worry about so many different things.  Like how am I suppose to buy groceries when we don't have the money?  I know that things will get better and they do, but something always happens and the good times end.  I have to have faith, but it is hard sometimes.  The thing that is really frustrating me right now, is how people can be so cruel and not even care.  Right now, I don't care if the person who was cruel to me reads this.  You see, your sister is not suppose to call you stupid or an idiot when you tell her you are pregnant.  She is not suppose to say that you can't handle the ones you have now so why would you have more?  She is not suppose to talk about you behind your back and call you a selfish bitch for getting pregnant because you were suppose to know she was trying.....which, I had no clue.  If you don't tell people that, how are they suppose to magically know?  Now, this sister is pregnant and due the month after me.  If she wouldn't have said those cruel things to me or talked about me, then I would think it was happy news.  But you see, to me, the timing seems odd.  Maybe it is just me, who knows.  She never actually told me she was pregnant either.  She whispered it in Jamie's ear and he didn't seem to care.  He has not said a single word about it since that night.  Maybe if she would have apologized for what she said, things would be different.  She now seems to think that we have so much in common because we are both pregnant....I can't do it!  She keeps things from me (but at the same time expects me to know everything).  I am trying my hardest with my boys.  They drive me nuts sometimes, but what kid doesn't!?  Sometimes I need my time away, doesn't mean that I can't handle my boys.  We have a lot going on with them, different medical issues, things just keep popping up.  It gets hard and she doesn't understand that.....at all!  I'm not trying to be the bad person now, writing about it all, but I just can't take it anymore.  Has anyone else had these kind of issues, or is this just my luck?!

Update

I thought I should just write a new post about the past few days instead of adding it to the one I just posted.  It would help if I would actually finish a post the day I started it! 

The nurse finally called me back Wednesday night and pretty much told me the same thing I heard on Monday!  I was so confused and upset.  Luckily, I saw our doctor that night (he happens to go to our church) and asked about switching Oliver's asthma medicine.  He was said that was a good idea and was upset with his nurses.  He said that the message he got was pretty much the same thing he got on Monday.....you have got to be kidding me!  I told him I was sorry for bugging him at church and he told me not to worry about it.  We need to get his cough under control and he doesn't mind.  I don't really feel like his cough is any better, maybe at times, but he still wakes up once or twice at night coughing super hard and needs a breating treatment.  He was outside playing today and was coughing from that.  I will give it another week though because the Zantac needs two weeks to fully kick in.  He is still sleeping a lot.  I know he much be behind on sleep, but it just seems a little much.  He slept til 10 yesterday and still went down for a nap at 3.  Today, he slept til a little after 10:30, went down for a nap around 3 and we had to wake him up for supper and he was still tired.  I just feel bad for him and wish that I could get him feeling better.  We had Wendy's for supper the other night (so healthy, I know!) and Oliver had nuggets and fries.  He ate all four of the nuggets and most of the fries....he has never eaten all of the nuggets, ever!  I'm hoping that the Zantac is helping with things.  We've noticed that he doesn't make his "hurt" face when he swallows as much as before and just the fact that he has been eating more!  I have a lot of questions for his feeding therapist tomorrow!  Jamie had his hearing tested and has super hearing.  I am happy about that, but we still don't have an answer about the super sensitivity to sound.  But, at least we don't have to deal with any hearing issues.  We got another project done on the house yesterday.  We had a screened in porch and it was nice, but the screens were old and it was getting to the point where we either took them down or replaced them.  It would not have been cheap to replace them.  We took them down and put up a railing.  My friend's husband came over and helped Eric get it done.  It looks so nice!  I started decorating it today for Christmas :)  I'm making some progress on getting the house clean.  I haven't done a ton, but I've done some things....haha!  The kitchen is the big deal.  It seems like that darn room can never stay clean.  I hope to get more done in there tomorrow, but it is Monday and not much else gets done on Mondays after all the running around we do.  I will get my butt in there and get something done though.  I need it clean before Thanksgiving....so I can mess it up again!  I am very thankful to be feeling a little better and by a little, I mean just that.  I have not thrown up in about 2 weeks, but I feel sick all day, everyday.....which I will take over the being sick!  Fighting that urge to throw up gets tricky when you are trying to clean.  I'm trying to figure out a system that works.  In the living room, I sit a lot and crawl around when I clean.  That may sound a bit silly, but that way I don't bend over a lot and that helps.  If I can only clean for 10 minutes and then need a break for a bit, that is ok!  I have some bad news.....our kitty passed away :(  He was fine one day and the next, not so much.  He was living in his own room because Oliver is terrified of cats.  My sister was going to take the cat because we really needed that room he was in.  Now, I will get my playroom before Christmas.  I am very excited to get my living room and dining room back.  The toys will have their special place, a place that has a door and I can close it and it won't affect the rest of the house!  Alright, time to head to my comfy bed :)

One of Those Days

Actually, it has been one of those weeks.  I have learned that on Mondays, nothing will get done in the house.  I have a chiropractor appt, then there is gymnastics, and then there is feeding therapy.  We get home and it is nap time....for everyone!  I try to get things done the other days.  But this week, this week has been bad.  We have had so many appointments this week and errands, that it just completely wears me out.  I had a mini breakdown in the bathtub last night because I felt horrible that things weren't done.  I loaded the dishwasher and ran that, but come on!  I was so exhausted, I could have gone to bed at 6!  Tonight, I have Fireflies, so I'm not doing much right now.  My goal is to get this house clean before Thanksgiving!  I am actually making my first Thanksgiving dinner this year!  I bought a 10 pound turkey today for only $5.77!  Our local grocery store has this card for their store that you can earn points from and get special deals on things.  So, my turkey was only .58 a pound!  I'm even going to attempt homemade stuffing.  My dad makes it every year and I love it.  It was my grandma's recipe.  I'm getting excited for this meal, but my house can't be a mess!  We are still dealing with Oliver's cough.  He was given a prescription last week that was suppose to take care of the cough but it didn't help.  I called on Monday and now he is on Zantac.  I was confused about this, but did some research and found the reflux can trigger asthma symptoms.  Oliver had reflux as a baby and was on medicine for a while.  I was told to wait at least 2 weeks for the Zantac to really kick in and get things under control.  I called back today and asked if there is something else we can do for the cough in the mean time.  His cough seems to be a bit worse at times.  He has been getting breathing treatments for 3 weeks now and I don't think the medicine in that is meant to be taken for that long.  He had a treatment before bed last night, woke up twice, and needed another treatment.  He has been so tired for about a week now because he hasn't been sleeping well.  I understand that the medicine needs time to work, but this cough is just crazy.  They did say that if this medicine doesn't help, then he needs to see a specialist.  There are 3 different ones he could see, so I'm not sure which it would be.  I'm kind of wondering though that if he is having reflux again, if that could be related to him being such a picky eater.  This raises so many more questions now.  I'm thinking I would like him to see a GI specialist to see if these are related.  I'm still waiting to hear back from the office.  I feel like the annoying mom who calls over every little thing.  I just think about all the possible appointments we could have now, all the tests he may need.  This little man has already been through so much.  Maybe cleaning my house will get my mind off of things....ha!  I also called the ENT today to get Jamie in to have his hearing tested and they got him in tomorrow morning!  He will have a hearing test and then see the doctor.  If his ears are fine, then he may have a sensory thing going on with his ears! 

Some Updates

**I started this the other week!  Sorry for the delay :)

How about some updates on some handsome little boys!?

Oliver: He is doing wonderful!  His therapy is working wonders.  I think we started in July and he like a new kid.  He went from grunts and a few words, some of which were only parts of the word, to tons, and tons of words and four and five word sentences!  My mom said he is talking so much more than he was at the end of August when we were there.  I have people tell me all the time how much of a difference they see.  Eric's mom can't get over it when he talks because people really haven't heard his voice much before!  His balance is getting better.  We are still working on the water issue, but there have been improvements in that area also.  He still won't take a bath though.  He will play with the water table at therapy.  He won't stick his hands in and splash around, but he will take the shovel and try to get the balls out.  Last week, he did stick his finger in the water a couple of times!  We always have to emphasize that getting wet is ok or getting something else wet is ok, you can just dry it off or shake it off.  He has one more appointment next week and then his therapist said to give him some time off and see how he does.  She is very happy with all the progress he has made.  He is in feeding therapy and will continue that for a while yet.  He will eat some foods during therapy that he normally doesn't, but he gets to see a wind up toy and he loves those!  He will also need a swallow test done.  This is basically a low grade x-ray video of him eating.  He makes this face, like it hurts or is tough to swallow on almost anything he eats.  I'm hoping that this test shows something, nothing horrible of course, but just something to help us out.  He also all of sudden knows a ton of colors.  He will find balls or toys and tell me the color!  If he gets it wrong, I just tell him to look again and will ask the color again...he gets it then!  He has been saying opposites also.  He will stand up and say "up", then sit down and say "down."  He was riding a toy the other day and put part of it under the table and he said "in" then backed out and said "out."  I'm so happy that we were able to find him help and his therapist is awesome!

Jamie:  He is 4 years old and I can't believe that!  He is in preschool three days a week and is loving it.  He has a few kids in his class that can be challenging at times, but he is handling it like a pro.  I just wish he was that good when he is home!  The past two weeks have been a struggle with him.  We are being really careful with his diet, so I know it isn't that.  I am going to take him to the chiropractor and get him adjusted. I honestly think that has something to do with it.  He has also started Fireflies at church.  I know he likes it, but he doesn't really do any of the singing...which is fine...but I think he gets nervous in front of people. He has also been doing gymnastics for about a month.  He has a lot of fun with that and is starting to feel more comfortable doing things.  Last week he finally jumped from the board into a pit of foam.  I think the height freaked him out a little, but he got his courage up and did it!  He is very excited to be getting a new brother or sister.  He likes to sit by me and lay on my belly.  He will rub and say hi.  He remembers when I was pregnant with Oliver.  He seems to be excited about a lot of things lately.  He sees toys and wants everything!  I told him that he can't get any toys at the store right now, otherwise Santa will have nothing to get for him.  Telling him that really seemed to help.  He doesn't beg!  He does have a mighty long list for Santa so now we have to talk about how he won't get everything that he wants.  He is still all about superheros.  He was Thor for Halloween :)  A new love of his is the Chronicles of Narnia.  Eric has been telling him the stories at night before bed.  I didn't even know this.  One day, we caught the last part of the first movie on TV and Jamie knew the names of the people and the lion!  So far, we have watched the first two movies and need to do the third.  He talks a lot....a lot...during the movie but still manages to pay attention.  Eric is trying to find his book so he can actually read the stories to him.

New Baby:  I may only be 13 weeks, but this baby is a mover!  Call me crazy, but I first started feeling movements a couple of weeks ago.  It wasn't all the time, but it was definitely baby. 

I know these posts are boring without pictures.  I need to put a lot on the computer and hopefully I will get that done this week!