Failure

This might be a little depressing at times, or annoying, but I just need to type. Lately, I have been feeling like a failure. I have friends that in the same time it has taken me to get my 4-year degree, have gone onto graduate school and beyond! I know I shouldn't let it bother me. I have my own little family, two perfect little boys. But, I just can't get past it. I have a job, but it has nothing to do with my degree. I want a new job, I need one. I feel like I'm being pulled in so many directions and I can't do it anymore. I have a cleaning job....not always fun, but hey, it needs to be done.....but, I have so much stress from this job. I shouldn't have this much stress from a cleaning job! Then I come home and feel like I need to do everything around the house. I know some moms/wives don't mind doing the "woman's" jobs at home, it works for them. It doesn't work for me. I just don't have enough energy and time to get everything done that needs to be done. I can get the house nice and clean and two days later, it is a mess again. I know, I have kids, it is going to happen. It isn't like my house is gross or anything, but it doesn't look the way I want it to. I feel like I am going to be judged by most people that come to my house. Maybe I just need to suck it up and get over it. When I go to bed at night, I think about the things I didn't get done and how much it bothers me, or what the hubby will think when he gets home. I shouldn't be thinking about that stuff when I'm going to sleep. I almost feel guilty for going to bed. The boys want me all the time. I can't leave the room without one or both of them freaking out. But, I love my boys and I'm glad they want me around, but I also need breaks. I get so overwhelmed when I think about the things that need to be cleaned, having to do everything for the boys, the fact that I didn't go grocery shopping for this week and will now have to go with both boys by myself. I need a new plan. A better plan. Ok, I'm going to stop complaining now. I've just hit a hard patch. Let the thinking begin.

Spring Flowers

Ok, so I have over 200 bulbs planted in front of house, between tulips and daffodils. I am obsessed with taking pictures of them! I have plans of making some canvases and doing some other fun things with the pictures. Anyway, these are some that I have taken during the past week. Warning....there are a ton! Enjoy :)

This white one is a peony tulip

I'm not sure on all the names and such, but I do love them! We have this event here called Tulip Time and that is where I got the tulips. There are a bunch that you cannot find in a store.

I love these "fringe" tulips!

I took some pictures one day after it rained. I love how the rain drops stay on the flowers.

I hope you enjoyed these photos. There will be many more! Hopefully these flowers mean that it will stay nice out and that it will actually be spring. Enjoy your night :)

I can't do it....

I can't keep the house super clean at all times

I can't answer my phone every time it rings

I can't call people back when they want me to

I can't keep on top of the ever growing mountains of laundry

I can't promise that the dishes will be done

I can't deny that my house sometimes smells like dirty diapers

I can't dust my house every day

I can't keep every one happy

I can't stop myself from having a bad day

I can't put more focus on my house than my kids

I can't clean all day

I can't do it all alone

Baby Food

I decided with Oliver that I would make his baby food. I did buy some stuff from the store and he didn't seem to fond of it. I made some foods for Jamie, but wanted to do more this time. I figured, I make food for the rest of us, why not for Oliver? I had a few people ask me why I would do that because they thought it would be harder. It really isn't that bad at all. I got a cool cookbook from Amazon....and just ordered another one :).....and things have been going well. Oliver loves the food I make. He didn't want to eat the carrots from the store, but last week I made some fresh ones for him and he couldn't get enough of them! Things I have made so far are: carrots, broccoli, sweet potatoes, peas, sweet potatoes with peas, and sweet potatoes with broccoli. I will be making some more things later in the week. I got some fruit also so he can get a variety of things. His favorite fruit is mashed bananas. He is just like his brother, can't get enough of them! I'm also hoping to get some foods made with meat in them soon. It is also getting warmer here which means I will be able to get more frutis soon. I wish I had some pictures of my creations! Maybe once I fill the freezer up again, I will take a picture of that. Side note, Oliver got his 6 month pictures and they are adorable!

2 Months

Ahhh....gotta love babies! Both of my babies are sleeping right now :) I do love that they enjoy their sleep. This precious babe is Oliver. This handsome man is Jamie. Please don't mind the picture. The camera we had at the time had a busted flash and it wouldn't take decent pictures. I love my little men. Even during those moments when they are bugging me like mad :)

1 Month

1 month....my babes. They are so precious! I can't believe how fast they are growing. The picture below is Oliver. I think they look so much a like in these photos. I had someone tell me the other day that you can definately tell they are brothers and that sometimes they look so much like each other and then other times, they look different. Oliver looks a lot like me when I was a baby and Jamie looks like me when I was a toddler. My mom couldn't get over how much Jamie looked like me....I think it is crazy how much your kids can look like you, or a relative! Anyway..... This picture is of Jamie and it is one of my all time favorites! Even now when I take pictures of him, I love getting the ones when he is just looking at me, in his own world. Right now, my babes are sleeping. Jamie is sound alseep, tucked in his bed and Oliver is sound asleep in bed next to me :)

My Loves

Ok, so for the past few days I have been trying to do a post. I have trying to put pictures up of the boys, at the same ages, and it was just not working out! So, I will just do one month at time. Since I don't have Oliver's 6 month pictures on the computer yet, I will start with newborn pics.

This picture is of James.

This handsome little man is Oliver. I'm going to get caught up with these pictures and then do it once a month. It is fun looking back at pictures of the first baby. Their births were completely different! After all the issues with Jamie's birth, I am so glad that Oliver's was different. Isn't it crazy that no matter how much pain you are in, you will do it again?!