So Much to Say

Ok, so Blogger changed things around, I'm having some issues with this :)  It is telling me that I'm not following any blogs, but I am.  Oh my, I will have to figure it out later. 

Another thought, why do people have blogs, but never write....haha!  I have so many things going on, things that I want to blog about, but just never do.  Some things, I just won't blog about though. 

I am missing my grandpa like crazy.  Easter was especially hard.  We stayed in Michigan so that was probably better.  We spent every holiday with grandpa....Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, he would always come over and eat with us.  I almost asked my mom if he was coming over for Easter.  Why would I do that?  I finally uploaded the pictures from the last time we saw him.  It took me a while to do that.  I couldn't even look at them on my camera.  I'm so glad that Jamie got to spend some time with him and I know that he will always remember that.  Jamie has a super memory!  I love the fact that Jamie knows great grandpa is in heaven with Jesus and is with great grandma Sadie again :)  He also knows that if he ever gets a sister, her name will be Sadie.

We have been dealing with some sensory issues with Oliver.  We are waiting to hear about getting him in to see an occupational therapist.  We brought up the issues at his 15 month check-up (he is now 20 months).  We had mentioned things in past, but we were told that it was just a stage and that he would get over it.  When there was no change at the next appointment, especially with his fear of water, the doctor said he needed some therapy, mainly for the fear of water.  We got sent to a psychologist, but had to wait almost 3 months before we got in there.  She met with us for an hour and said that he needed an occupational therapist (which is what we were getting) and that we had to go somewhere else.  She diagnosed him with severe separation anxiety, but said that the anxiety is most likely caused by the sensory issues.  I'm a little confused as to why she didn't diagnose him with a sensory disorder.  So, we have been trying to find a place that will see him and takes our insurance.  We have pretty good insurance, but this therapy stuff is strange.  I called one place and they said they could help, but needed a referral.  I did that and then didn't hear anything back.  I called and it sounded like they (the therapy place) never got the paper work.  Now, I was told the first time I talked to them, that they would be able to help him.  I talked to them 2 weeks later and now they weren't sure if they could help.  The lady called back and said that her therapist felt that Oliver was "too specialized" and wouldn't be able to help.  Who says that!?  I found another place that accepted our insurance, but the occupational therapy was not covered.  I was so frustrated at this point!  I was sick of calling people and not getting anywhere.  I want to get him the best help that we can, but therapy is very expensive!  The hubby then called the children's hospital.  We are waiting to hear back from them this week about an appointment.  The first psychologist we saw was really nice really understood what we were going through. She told us about some books to read.  I asked if they would help with Jamie and she said most definitely.  It was like she could see things in Jamie.  The doctor also said that she couldn't officially diagnose it, but said she wouldn't be surprised if Oliver had ADD.  That really got me thinking about Jamie and how the play therapist that he saw just said it was an intelligence thing, that he is just so smart and that was pretty much it.  She said good luck and that things will be hard.  Ok, If Oliver will have ADD, then his brother for sure has it!  I don't care if they do, I would just like to know so we can learn techniques to help them now.  We have been having some issues with Jamie, so he has an appointment tomorrow with his doctor.  I have been feeling like such a horrible parent lately.  The hubby is at work at night, and nights are the hardest.  I yell at the boys and then feel so bad for doing that.  I have been working really hard on that.  Yelling has no effect on Jamie.  He responds much better if you talk calmly to him and explain things.  But oh my, that is so hard to do sometimes. 

Ok, I think this is long enough :)  I say it all the time, but I really want to blog more and I'm really going to try.

Never Ending

Does it ever seem like your work at home is never done?! I have always thought that, but have really been feeling it lately. I feel like all I do is clean and yet my house never seems clean! But, lets get real here, I have two little boys who love running around, are full of energy, and our house looks like we live here :) My problem is that I have so many things I want to do. I start one thing and then move to another, and then another, and I'm still stuck in the clutter. I am trying really hard to simplify my list. I need to finish a room before moving onto the next. And honestly, I'm not going to be cleaning all day instead of spending time with my boys. I pick up their toys and little messes during the day, but save the big things (like dishes) til after they are in bed. It bothers me when things aren't in their places, or there are dishes on the counter (which happens often) and it really bothers me when I get the whole house looking so nice and then 2 days later, it is a mess again. Now that it is getting so nice out, we will be spending more time outside :) I hope this doesn't sound whiny, I'm just at the point where I can't do everything. Like I said though, simplify...that is what I'm going to try this week. It is now time to put away the mountain of clothes that are sitting on my bed. That, is another bad habit of mine...haha...I leave the clean, folding laundry in baskets. In my next house, we are going to have closets....and not just one small one either. We will say that is my excuse :)

It is not Goodbye, it is See You Later

I have been trying to write this post all week. Two weeks ago, I said goodbye to my grandpa. But, I am thinking of it as a "see you later" not "goodbye" thing. My grandpa was a great man. He was 94, a WWII vet, owned a bakery with my grandma, had a large family, had this smirk when he said something funny, liked to talk to you in Polish (even though we had no clue what he was saying!), had tons of stories, and had a lot to teach us. We went back to Wisconsin two weeks before he passed so see him one last time. I got a call saying his kidneys were shutting down and it wouldn't be much longer, maybe a few days. I don't think the doctor knew my grandpa very well! He didn't even seem like anything was wrong. It was nice for the boys to be able to see him again, although Oliver won't remember things. Jamie was his little buddy the day we were over there. They were sharing food in the kitchen and just having some special time together. I have a picture from that visit, but just haven't put it on the computer yet. Honestly, I can't handle looking at it right now. I get the local newspaper from my home town and broke down when I saw his obituary in there. I don't have a lot of memories of my grandpa from when I was little. I remember visiting them (they lived only a couple of minutes away and we were there ALL the time!) and grandpa would be sitting in his chair in the study, doing his crossword puzzles. After my grandma passed away, we got to know grandpa a little better. I never knew he liked to talk to so much! My siblings and I were there a lot and loved visiting with him. We were never too busy to chat for a while. Whenever I would come back from college, I would always head to his house. He would tell me about his garden, or what his neighbors were doing (he knew everything), and he always had cookies! He would make me cookies to take back to college with me. Then, he was diagnosed with prostate cancer and almost didn't make it. My parents were there to take him to his appointments, made sure he had food, and just company. He would come over for every Easter, every Thanksgiving. I am so thankful that we had that time together. I wasn't sure how I was going to handle the funeral. I went to the wake for my grandma, but could barely handle that (I was about 13 I think) and I didn't go to the funeral. I did know that I didn't want the boys at the wake or the funeral. We told Jamie that great grandpa went to be with Jesus and that he was happy and could see grandma again and Jamie got that. But, I didn't want him to see him laying there and start asking questions. The wake was very nice. He looked so peaceful. You see, grandpa was ready to go "home." I think he was annoyed at times that he was still here. He had people to see on the other side. It makes me happy and more at peace knowing that grandpa knew where he was going and was totally ready to go. But, we were not ready. The funeral was extremely hard for me, for my whole family. My parents, siblings and I spent so much time with grandpa. And now....now we are lost....what are going to do? My youngest brother, who is 15, hadn't really shown any emotions about anything, until it was time to say goodbye one last time before they closed the casket. He lost it and I felt it was my role to be there for him, I'm the big sister. I grabbed him and he just put his head on my shoulder and just cried. My other two brothers were pallbearers. We went out to the cemetery. I then saw my other brothers loose it. Again, I felt like it was my responsibility to take care of them. Me and my siblings were the last ones in the cemetery, and that felt right. But, it was so hard to see my brothers like that.

I think what is even more hard, is that my dad's family is growing apart. Things were really good when both of my grandparents were alive. Things started to go downhill a couple years after my grandma passed and just got worse and worse. We all used to get together all the time and had fun. Now, people are so mean to others. To me, it seems like my family gets it the worst. I mean, I shouldn't have relatives talking bad about me or my kids. That is sad! The last couple of weeks of grandpa's life was hard because all these people came around that really weren't around before.....you know the ones that are too busy to come around. But then, then all of a sudden people care. But, then I stop....I know that my grandpa knew who truly cared for him. And now, now he is looking down on all of us and seeing how foolish some people are acting.

I do want to say that this post has taken me a week to write. I still can't believe that he is gone. I keep thinking that we will see him when we are back in town, that Jamie can hang out with him some more, and that Oliver can get to know him. I will miss our chats. I think one of the saddest things is just that the family is falling apart. I can only pray that things will get better. Now, I only have stories to share with the boys. They will know great grandpa and great grandma. Jamie knows that great grandpa went to be with Jesus and that he is happy and is watching over us. I have to remind myself of that also.

Back on the Gluten Free Lifestyle

Let me tell you, this gluten free thing can be tricky at times. I was having a lot of knee pain again, so I started doing even more research on the foods I was eating. I found a few things that were questionable and I cut those out. Things got better again and I was so happy. Then on Thursday, the knee pain returned. I was really frustrated at this point. Well, Wednesday night I had two pieces of Hershey's miniature dark chocolate. I guess Hershey is very good at hiding their gluten and not telling people. I found out that their products are a big no-no. I was happy to find this out though....at least it wasn't the other stuff I was eating! I can live without their chocolate :)

Last night, I was talking to my super bestest friend from back home and she asked if I cook gluten free when people come over. We really haven't had anyone over for dinner, except my sister and brother-in-law. But, the answer is yes. When I cook meals for us, they are GF. I am not going to take away mac and cheese from the little ones, but I do want to limit their gluten intake. Eventually I would like the boys to eat GF cereal. Their fruit snacks are GF. I am planning on making my own bread, so they would eat that also. I'm curious to see if it will help Jamie with his eczema. He only has problems during the winter. This winter has been so crazy, weather wise, that he hasn't really had any issues. Well, that is my update. I have to work at 8am....I know, not early for most people, but for me it is! My boys sleep til at least 9, and I love that :) Anyway, time for bed!

Christmas 2011

I love Christmas! I have always loved it. I love picking out a tree...yes, I real one! I love cluttering my house with totes, upon totes so I can decorate (I don't like taking everything done which is why I haven't done it yet...haha...this week though!). I think I love Christmas even more now that I have kids. Jamie is at the age where he understands it more. To see his excitement is great. I can't wait til next Christmas with Oliver and Jamie freaking out!

The boys got some fun little things in their stockings. We decided that we will open stockings on Christmas Eve and do presents on Christmas day. We also thought it would be fun to get Christmas PJs in their stockings to wear the next morning.

Yes, Jamie has a belt on with his pajamas...haha...he got it in his stocking and just loves it. Let me tell you, it was not easy finding a belt for his age! He really, really needed one :)

I love decorating! Even when the lights are being a pain and not working! I absolutely love big trees. I even told the hubby that our next house needs to be bigger and have taller ceilings (ours are 8 feet now and that is a good size) because I want a bigger tree :)

We put up our tree and decorations the day after Thanksgiving and keep it til about the second week in January. The boys love all the stuff in the house. It is going to look so boring after it is all down. I do have some plans for the living room though, just to make it pop more :)

The boys really liked their presents. They both got Cozy Coupe cars which was their "big" present. I was happy with the deal I got on these. Every place that I saw them, they were $60, but I got them for $40 :) I think the best deal I got though, was the dancing/rocker Mickey they got. I got for $21 instead of $50! There were a lot of gifts for them, but a lot of little things. I love finding deals :)

This was the best picture of the boys together that I could get...haha...it is not easy! I have no idea what Jamie was saying or pointing at, but it is great. I hope you all had a great Christmas and have a great 2012!

What to write?

I have been thinking a lot lately about what to write. I think about it everyday, but then I get tired, or just don't feel like it. This is sad to me, I really want to write on here more. I have so much on my mind, so many things going on. I think tonight I will just do a quick recap and work on a Christmas post.

I finally quit my job that absoutly hated! I got a job at Panera Bread (the reason for quitting the other job) which is a perfect place for a gluten free person...haha! I am really liking this job. It gets stressful at times and there is still drama, but nothing like my old job. Plus, I get to work with my sister....which has been a good thing so far! I'm still doing the GF thing, although my knee pain has come back, but I still have lots to learn about this. I have been doing more and more research and I'm hoping that after being GF for a few months....without messing up....things will be better. I did have a follow-up with the rhuematoidologist the other day and he told me the gluten free thing makes sense because of my blood work. I guess they tested my wheat tolerance...or something...and he said it was a 9.5 out of 10 meaning I definately have an issue with it. The thing that gets me, is that when they called with my test results a couple of months ago, they said nothing about the wheat thing, only that I was a little low on vitamin D. Why wouldn't they tell me about the wheat thing!

The hubby had surgery in the beginning of December. It was nothing serious, but was home from work for a week. It was a long week...haha! It was good having him home for a bit, but that messes with our schedule. Plus, he wasn't allowed to lift the boys for that week so that made things a little harder on mommy :)

Jamie is a very active 3 year old! I wish he could give me some of that energy once and a while. This child is so incredibly smart! I know parents say that all the time, but really, this kid is amazing. I can't believe that he will be 4 this fall and will be going to preschool....I know, I know, I still have 9 months, but I have a feeling that it will fly by! He is such a good big brother. He may get irratated with Oliver, but come on, it is what brothers do! In Jamie's defense, it is Oliver that starts it :) Jamie is also growing so fast. I look at his 2 year pics and get sad because he actually looked like a little kid! He has grown up so much in the past year. He is wearing all 4T and 5T things and his shoe size is 11! I bought him winter boots the other day (we just got snow that actually stuck around yesterday) and got size 1. I want them to fit next winter also. Winter boots are crazy though. Size 1 is huge, but they have so much padding inside that I'm sure when he gets to size 1, they probably won't fit. Jamie has thick feet also.

Oliver, well, he is my little man. He has one of the best smiles ever. He is definately stubborn and has a temper. When he gets mad, he will let you know! We keep telling him to be nice and not to hit, but he is only 15 months old. I am hoping it will settle in soon. He is growing like a weed, he is 32 1/2 inches tall! I think it is so amazing to watch kids learn new things. The smile on Oliver's face when he does something new....oh man, I love it! He knows that he did something new and he is so proud.

Ok, so I'm addicted to the show on Lifetime called One Born Every Minute. It is on right now and I love it. The one bad thing, it makes me want another baby. Jamie keeps telling me that he wants a pink baby!

Gluten Free

I am officially gluten free and have been for 2 weeks or so. Within the first few days, my knee pain was almost completely gone! I was a little sore at the end of the day, but nothing like it used to be. I am a little sad now because my knees have been hurting the past few days. Although it hasn't been as bad as in the past, but still. I'm hoping my knee pain is because of my back pain...haha, man, how old am I?! My tailbone got messed up during delivery with Oliver and every couple of months, it bothers me and for a week or so at a time. It has been getting better, but I think I was walking differently because of how bad it was hurting. I was talking to someone tonight and she said to just keep it up because it can take a while before everything is gone, even though I was feeling good for almost 2 weeks.

So, how is going otherwise? It hasn't been that bad actually. Most of the foods we eat are already gluten free and other things I just have to tweak a bit. I like that almost anything dairy is GF, but I am lactose intolerant....great....I have been taking the lactose pills again, trying to get that under control again. A few years ago I said "screw it" to taking those pills. I had a stomach ache everyday but I didn't care. I mean come on, I am from Wisconsin and I am lactose intolerant?! What kind of cruel and unusual punishment is that!? One of the biggest challenges is finding GF free in the grocery store. There is a lot out there, but it is located all over the store! I have been getting lots of advice from people and that has been amazing. I didn't like the noodles I bought, but heard of a different kind to try. I also heard of a website that sells food pretty cheap and I ordered some GF stuff. I just wish this stuff wasn't so expensive :( My biggest test will be next week. We are going to my parent's house in Wisconsin for Thanksgiving which shouldn't be too bad (food wise), but then the hubby's parents all taking all of us to Great Wolf Lodge in the WI Dells for our Christmas present, this will be the real challenge. We will be eating out for supper every night. Luckily more and more places offer GF foods, but this is a challenge I am up for! It just means I have to eat healthier and there isn't anything wrong with that! I'm having a hard time thinking of foods to bring for me for lunch and snack....I don't want to eat the same thing all day. I did get some good ideas for that tonight though.

I do like that this is making us eat healthier. I not making the boys go gluten free, but when I make a meal, obviously it is GF and they eat it. I am not taking away their noodles or mac and cheese. My goodness, if I did that Oliver wouldn't have anything to eat :) I guess the boys are half gluten free! I'm hoping to add a recipe tab to my blog so I can put up some yummy foods that I have been making. All in all, things are going pretty good!