Sleep

I really wish I could sleep.  The past month has been horrible for sleep.  I never had this problem when I was pregnant with the boys.  I just can't fall sleep.  I even take a sleeping pill and it still takes forever to fall asleep.  The hubby, yeah, he has no problem!  He lays down and a minute later he is snoring and out.  I'm not upset with him.  Good for him that he can sleep...haha!  I got so frustrated tonight, that I just came downstairs, crying like a baby!  I am mad because I can't sleep.  I am so tired though and that really bothers me.  People tell me all the time how tired I look....thanks!  I mentioned it to my doctor yesterday and she said I need someone to watch the boys, take a Unisom, and sleep for 18 hours!  Ha, I wish it was that easy.  She told me that by the time my body gets to that deep sleep it it needs, it is time to get up.  So yeah, I'm way behind.  I've been getting easily frustrated with the boys, not something I like.  I don't want to be crabby with them.  Even now, as I sitting on the couch typing this, I am so tired.  Maybe I'll try heading up to bed soon.  Sorry for the sob story :)

No More Therapy!

 

 

 

This little man is all done with therapy!  Since we found out he is having reflux problems, his eating has gotten much better!  He has been on Zantac for about a month and all he does is eat now.  I have never seen him eat this much!  I love it.  His therapist is very pleased with his progress.  He was actually begging for more meat at therapy today.  I am so thankful for both of the therapists that he had!  I know that I have said it before, but he really is a different kid.  If you know him, then you know exactly what I mean.  His speech is improving and growing every week.  He now says multiple sentences in a row and he is very understandable.  He knows so many colors, shapes, opposites, can count to 3, it really amazes me.  We still have work to do on the water front, but we are working on it.  We talk a lot about going in the pool next summer and how his baby cousin will go in and his new sibling will go in.  He gets excited, but we will see. 

 

 

 

He goes in the bathroom during Jamie's bath time.  He will stand next to the tub now and throw toys in, but doesn't want to touch it.  I'm sure he will get there.

Aren't these pictures just precious?!  I love how they turned out.  Jamie has his Christmas program at school tomorrow.  I'm so excited to see this.  I was hoping to make cut-out cookies over the weekend, but that never happened!  I want to try and get some done tonight so Jamie has something he can eat at school tomorrow.  My house has turned to shambles again :)  I need to finish with all the decorating so these darn totes can go back in the basement!  Eric has also been working on the playroom so I am slowly moving toys to that room. 

 

I am slowly working on Christmas shopping.  It just doesn't seem like that time of year already.  Buddy, our elf has returned!  The boys love looking for him in the morning.  Although sometimes he is in the same spot...oops!  The baby is kicking like crazy....right now actually.  Jamie felt it and I think it kind of freaked him out!  Eric also felt it the other night.  I have an appointment tomorrow morning and the boys are excited to hear the heart beat again.  Then, at my next appointment, we finally get to see what we are having!  I have also started selling Thirty-One!  I am excited to see where this takes me.  I love their products and they really come in handy!  So, if you want something, or want to do a show, let me know :)

Nervous

I'm getting nervous about having this baby.  I think it has been on my mind lately because my sister-in-law is about to have her first baby any day.  I remember being so scared with Jamie.  He wasn't planned and I was not prepared for anything.  He was a very good surprise, but one that scared me.  I was nervous with Oliver because of the horror of Jamie's birth and I was scared that it would happen again.  Jamie was induced, a very long labor, epidural was done wrong and wore off, he got stuck, needed forceps, and I had other issues for almost a month after he was born.  Oliver came on his own, very quick labor, hard and fast contractions, a very nice epidural and he came out just fine!  I know that I am not crazy for being nervous about delivery.  It is a very scary thing.  Sure, our bodies were built for this, but it is still such a hard thing on the body.  I worry about the baby, I worry about me, I worry about the hubby passing out :)  Now, I have two little boys to worry about and how they will handle the new baby.  I am not nervous about that though.  Jamie did very well with Oliver and understands so much more now and can't wait to be a big brother again.  Oliver loves babies now and we talk a lot about the baby and how he can help and pick out a special blanket for the baby.  The boys each have a special blanket that they were given at birth and both fell in love with them.  With Jamie, we had to buy another one so I could wash the first one!  No other blanket would do!  The same thing happened with Oliver.  So, this time, we are buying two blankets right away :)  Anyway, back to being nervous.  I get nervous about the pain.  I know, I'm a wimp!  I will totally take advantage of that epidural!  I know that I cannot handle that pain.  The pain was something I was also not prepared for with Oliver.  At least with Jamie, it was gradual.  Oliver, they started a little after 3am and were a minute apart by 3:30!  I shouldn't worry about any of this though.  I will get a precious little baby out of the deal!  Everything we go through is totally worth it.....although it doesn't seem like that while we are in the process!  Alright, enough of thinking about it!  We are going to a Christmas parade tonight and I need to prepare for that.

Frustrating

So many things are frustrating me right now.  I want to quit my job and take care of my boys and myself, but I can't.  I wish we didn't have to worry about so many different things.  Like how am I suppose to buy groceries when we don't have the money?  I know that things will get better and they do, but something always happens and the good times end.  I have to have faith, but it is hard sometimes.  The thing that is really frustrating me right now, is how people can be so cruel and not even care.  Right now, I don't care if the person who was cruel to me reads this.  You see, your sister is not suppose to call you stupid or an idiot when you tell her you are pregnant.  She is not suppose to say that you can't handle the ones you have now so why would you have more?  She is not suppose to talk about you behind your back and call you a selfish bitch for getting pregnant because you were suppose to know she was trying.....which, I had no clue.  If you don't tell people that, how are they suppose to magically know?  Now, this sister is pregnant and due the month after me.  If she wouldn't have said those cruel things to me or talked about me, then I would think it was happy news.  But you see, to me, the timing seems odd.  Maybe it is just me, who knows.  She never actually told me she was pregnant either.  She whispered it in Jamie's ear and he didn't seem to care.  He has not said a single word about it since that night.  Maybe if she would have apologized for what she said, things would be different.  She now seems to think that we have so much in common because we are both pregnant....I can't do it!  She keeps things from me (but at the same time expects me to know everything).  I am trying my hardest with my boys.  They drive me nuts sometimes, but what kid doesn't!?  Sometimes I need my time away, doesn't mean that I can't handle my boys.  We have a lot going on with them, different medical issues, things just keep popping up.  It gets hard and she doesn't understand that.....at all!  I'm not trying to be the bad person now, writing about it all, but I just can't take it anymore.  Has anyone else had these kind of issues, or is this just my luck?!

Update

I thought I should just write a new post about the past few days instead of adding it to the one I just posted.  It would help if I would actually finish a post the day I started it! 

The nurse finally called me back Wednesday night and pretty much told me the same thing I heard on Monday!  I was so confused and upset.  Luckily, I saw our doctor that night (he happens to go to our church) and asked about switching Oliver's asthma medicine.  He was said that was a good idea and was upset with his nurses.  He said that the message he got was pretty much the same thing he got on Monday.....you have got to be kidding me!  I told him I was sorry for bugging him at church and he told me not to worry about it.  We need to get his cough under control and he doesn't mind.  I don't really feel like his cough is any better, maybe at times, but he still wakes up once or twice at night coughing super hard and needs a breating treatment.  He was outside playing today and was coughing from that.  I will give it another week though because the Zantac needs two weeks to fully kick in.  He is still sleeping a lot.  I know he much be behind on sleep, but it just seems a little much.  He slept til 10 yesterday and still went down for a nap at 3.  Today, he slept til a little after 10:30, went down for a nap around 3 and we had to wake him up for supper and he was still tired.  I just feel bad for him and wish that I could get him feeling better.  We had Wendy's for supper the other night (so healthy, I know!) and Oliver had nuggets and fries.  He ate all four of the nuggets and most of the fries....he has never eaten all of the nuggets, ever!  I'm hoping that the Zantac is helping with things.  We've noticed that he doesn't make his "hurt" face when he swallows as much as before and just the fact that he has been eating more!  I have a lot of questions for his feeding therapist tomorrow!  Jamie had his hearing tested and has super hearing.  I am happy about that, but we still don't have an answer about the super sensitivity to sound.  But, at least we don't have to deal with any hearing issues.  We got another project done on the house yesterday.  We had a screened in porch and it was nice, but the screens were old and it was getting to the point where we either took them down or replaced them.  It would not have been cheap to replace them.  We took them down and put up a railing.  My friend's husband came over and helped Eric get it done.  It looks so nice!  I started decorating it today for Christmas :)  I'm making some progress on getting the house clean.  I haven't done a ton, but I've done some things....haha!  The kitchen is the big deal.  It seems like that darn room can never stay clean.  I hope to get more done in there tomorrow, but it is Monday and not much else gets done on Mondays after all the running around we do.  I will get my butt in there and get something done though.  I need it clean before Thanksgiving....so I can mess it up again!  I am very thankful to be feeling a little better and by a little, I mean just that.  I have not thrown up in about 2 weeks, but I feel sick all day, everyday.....which I will take over the being sick!  Fighting that urge to throw up gets tricky when you are trying to clean.  I'm trying to figure out a system that works.  In the living room, I sit a lot and crawl around when I clean.  That may sound a bit silly, but that way I don't bend over a lot and that helps.  If I can only clean for 10 minutes and then need a break for a bit, that is ok!  I have some bad news.....our kitty passed away :(  He was fine one day and the next, not so much.  He was living in his own room because Oliver is terrified of cats.  My sister was going to take the cat because we really needed that room he was in.  Now, I will get my playroom before Christmas.  I am very excited to get my living room and dining room back.  The toys will have their special place, a place that has a door and I can close it and it won't affect the rest of the house!  Alright, time to head to my comfy bed :)

One of Those Days

Actually, it has been one of those weeks.  I have learned that on Mondays, nothing will get done in the house.  I have a chiropractor appt, then there is gymnastics, and then there is feeding therapy.  We get home and it is nap time....for everyone!  I try to get things done the other days.  But this week, this week has been bad.  We have had so many appointments this week and errands, that it just completely wears me out.  I had a mini breakdown in the bathtub last night because I felt horrible that things weren't done.  I loaded the dishwasher and ran that, but come on!  I was so exhausted, I could have gone to bed at 6!  Tonight, I have Fireflies, so I'm not doing much right now.  My goal is to get this house clean before Thanksgiving!  I am actually making my first Thanksgiving dinner this year!  I bought a 10 pound turkey today for only $5.77!  Our local grocery store has this card for their store that you can earn points from and get special deals on things.  So, my turkey was only .58 a pound!  I'm even going to attempt homemade stuffing.  My dad makes it every year and I love it.  It was my grandma's recipe.  I'm getting excited for this meal, but my house can't be a mess!  We are still dealing with Oliver's cough.  He was given a prescription last week that was suppose to take care of the cough but it didn't help.  I called on Monday and now he is on Zantac.  I was confused about this, but did some research and found the reflux can trigger asthma symptoms.  Oliver had reflux as a baby and was on medicine for a while.  I was told to wait at least 2 weeks for the Zantac to really kick in and get things under control.  I called back today and asked if there is something else we can do for the cough in the mean time.  His cough seems to be a bit worse at times.  He has been getting breathing treatments for 3 weeks now and I don't think the medicine in that is meant to be taken for that long.  He had a treatment before bed last night, woke up twice, and needed another treatment.  He has been so tired for about a week now because he hasn't been sleeping well.  I understand that the medicine needs time to work, but this cough is just crazy.  They did say that if this medicine doesn't help, then he needs to see a specialist.  There are 3 different ones he could see, so I'm not sure which it would be.  I'm kind of wondering though that if he is having reflux again, if that could be related to him being such a picky eater.  This raises so many more questions now.  I'm thinking I would like him to see a GI specialist to see if these are related.  I'm still waiting to hear back from the office.  I feel like the annoying mom who calls over every little thing.  I just think about all the possible appointments we could have now, all the tests he may need.  This little man has already been through so much.  Maybe cleaning my house will get my mind off of things....ha!  I also called the ENT today to get Jamie in to have his hearing tested and they got him in tomorrow morning!  He will have a hearing test and then see the doctor.  If his ears are fine, then he may have a sensory thing going on with his ears! 

Some Updates

**I started this the other week!  Sorry for the delay :)

How about some updates on some handsome little boys!?

Oliver: He is doing wonderful!  His therapy is working wonders.  I think we started in July and he like a new kid.  He went from grunts and a few words, some of which were only parts of the word, to tons, and tons of words and four and five word sentences!  My mom said he is talking so much more than he was at the end of August when we were there.  I have people tell me all the time how much of a difference they see.  Eric's mom can't get over it when he talks because people really haven't heard his voice much before!  His balance is getting better.  We are still working on the water issue, but there have been improvements in that area also.  He still won't take a bath though.  He will play with the water table at therapy.  He won't stick his hands in and splash around, but he will take the shovel and try to get the balls out.  Last week, he did stick his finger in the water a couple of times!  We always have to emphasize that getting wet is ok or getting something else wet is ok, you can just dry it off or shake it off.  He has one more appointment next week and then his therapist said to give him some time off and see how he does.  She is very happy with all the progress he has made.  He is in feeding therapy and will continue that for a while yet.  He will eat some foods during therapy that he normally doesn't, but he gets to see a wind up toy and he loves those!  He will also need a swallow test done.  This is basically a low grade x-ray video of him eating.  He makes this face, like it hurts or is tough to swallow on almost anything he eats.  I'm hoping that this test shows something, nothing horrible of course, but just something to help us out.  He also all of sudden knows a ton of colors.  He will find balls or toys and tell me the color!  If he gets it wrong, I just tell him to look again and will ask the color again...he gets it then!  He has been saying opposites also.  He will stand up and say "up", then sit down and say "down."  He was riding a toy the other day and put part of it under the table and he said "in" then backed out and said "out."  I'm so happy that we were able to find him help and his therapist is awesome!

Jamie:  He is 4 years old and I can't believe that!  He is in preschool three days a week and is loving it.  He has a few kids in his class that can be challenging at times, but he is handling it like a pro.  I just wish he was that good when he is home!  The past two weeks have been a struggle with him.  We are being really careful with his diet, so I know it isn't that.  I am going to take him to the chiropractor and get him adjusted. I honestly think that has something to do with it.  He has also started Fireflies at church.  I know he likes it, but he doesn't really do any of the singing...which is fine...but I think he gets nervous in front of people. He has also been doing gymnastics for about a month.  He has a lot of fun with that and is starting to feel more comfortable doing things.  Last week he finally jumped from the board into a pit of foam.  I think the height freaked him out a little, but he got his courage up and did it!  He is very excited to be getting a new brother or sister.  He likes to sit by me and lay on my belly.  He will rub and say hi.  He remembers when I was pregnant with Oliver.  He seems to be excited about a lot of things lately.  He sees toys and wants everything!  I told him that he can't get any toys at the store right now, otherwise Santa will have nothing to get for him.  Telling him that really seemed to help.  He doesn't beg!  He does have a mighty long list for Santa so now we have to talk about how he won't get everything that he wants.  He is still all about superheros.  He was Thor for Halloween :)  A new love of his is the Chronicles of Narnia.  Eric has been telling him the stories at night before bed.  I didn't even know this.  One day, we caught the last part of the first movie on TV and Jamie knew the names of the people and the lion!  So far, we have watched the first two movies and need to do the third.  He talks a lot....a lot...during the movie but still manages to pay attention.  Eric is trying to find his book so he can actually read the stories to him.

New Baby:  I may only be 13 weeks, but this baby is a mover!  Call me crazy, but I first started feeling movements a couple of weeks ago.  It wasn't all the time, but it was definitely baby. 

I know these posts are boring without pictures.  I need to put a lot on the computer and hopefully I will get that done this week!

A New Day

Ok, today is a new day.  I am still mad, stressed, all of the above!  But, it is a new day.  I got an awesome comment on yesterday's post.  She said to write down what I did during the day and not make a list of things that need to be done and not to care about everything else.  Great idea, right!?  So, here goes.  Today, I had an appointment with the chiropractor, came home for about 10 minutes and then left for gymnastics.  Got home from that and was home for about 15 minutes and then it was off to Oliver's therapy.  Got home, put the boys down for naps, picked up some of living room, although there are still some things that need to be put away but I was trying not to throw up pretty much the whole time.  I'm trying to figure out what to do for supper tonight.  I have pretty much no groceries in the house.  We ran out of milk this morning.  I have eggs, but Oliver won't eat those.  I found some pork chops, but we have been having those a lot lately because they are easy.  After nap, we will probably have to run to the store quick for milk and bread.  We have a store a few minutes down the road, but it is more expensive than going to Meijer.  I might stop at Jimmy Johns and get their super yummy number 13 veggie sandwhich!  Yeah, I'm suppose to be gluten free, but only certain things sound good right now and those sandwhiches seem to be what my stomach needs.  I really need to feel better soon so I can get back on my gluten free stuff.  My knees are killing me right now!  I have an update started on the boys that I hope to finish and post soon.  Now, time to relax a little bit more before the boys wake up :)

Rant

I will apologize now, but I need to rant.  I really, really hate that my house is a disaster right now, I hate that I don't have any help, I hate that I feel so alone, it bothers the crap out of me that I am so sick and can't clean my house like I want to, I hate that I feel like because I am the mom/wife that it is my job to do everything, I hate crying all the time.  I wish that my stomach didn't hurt whenever I bent over or that bending over wouldn't make me throw up.  Why am I being such a baby?  Why can't I do this??  Why can't someone actually pick-up around the house.  I feel like I have to put myself last, as long as everyone else is happy.  We need groceries, but when it is nap time and only me here, that isn't going to happen.  I want to snap my fingers and have my house clean, laundry done and put away, dishes done.  Some people just don't understand how awful I feel.  Being pregnant is one of those funny things, you never know how you are going to feel.  For me, it keeps getting worse.  Oh knows, maybe I am being a big wimp and should just suck it up, take care of everything and not worry about anything else.  One more thing.  Why is it so hard to throw something away when you are done?!  For example, mac and cheese is made, why must the box and the cheese bag stay on the counter!?  Ok, I think I am done now :)

Reality

Ok, let's be real here.  Being pregnant is not as glamorous as portrayed in movies!  Some of us feel like crap all day, have weird pains everywhere, there are potty issues, all the tiredness, the throwing up...which is especially fun when it is something different every time, the crazy heartburn, then there are the boobs!  Oh my word!  Then, if you have kids, you need to chase them around, try to make meals, try to clean the house and remember or even feel like taking a shower that day.  I really like when my little one decides to wake up at 7 and then proceed to wake up his brother!  My boys usually sleep til at least 9.  My house looks like a tornado went through it.  A few weeks ago, I watched the movie, What to Expect When You Are Expecting.....love it!  There is one woman who just has the "prefect" pregnancy and it really ticks off another lady who is having a miserable time.  The second lady talked about how things can suck and not be fun and so many ladies loved it.  I loved how that movie had so many real things in it.  We may be absolutely miserable, but yet we keep having more.  Funny how that works!  I really do enjoy that little bundle I get in the end.  Holding that baby, looking in their eyes, snuggling, it all makes up for the horrible 9 months I had :) 

I heard the little one's heartbeat today!  After hearing that, everything seems real.  Those first weeks, it is hard to believe it is true, but that heartbeat, that changes all. 

Can You Repeat That, Please?!

I went to see my doctor last week.  I still have my normal first baby appointment for next week, but I have been feeling so off.  I have been feeling pretty sick, but I know that will disappear soon....hopefully :)  On top of the sick feeling and actually getting sick, I have been extremely tired.  I can get 8-9 hours of sleep at night, but an hour after I get up, I am ready for a nap.  I have been having lots of belly pain also.  My doctor said to get some more fiber in my diet...for obvious reasons :)  Getting all the fiber you need while being gluten free is not always the easiest.  I need more water (which I think it just gross!).  When they do my blood work, they will also check my thyroid, just to make sure.  Then she had me lay down so she could feel my belly.  When she pushed on the top of my belly, under my ribs, she asked if it hurt.  I told her it did.  Now we have to keep an eye on that pain because she said it could be my gallbladder and if it stays like that, it would have to come out before the baby is born.  Seriously?!  I don't want that.  After I got home, I realized that my belly hurts there a lot, I just thought it was normal pains.  She also said to get back to my gluten free diet.  My system could be on an overload.  I am hoping that in a couple of weeks, the belly pain goes away.  I also got some new medicine for my lovely morning sickness.  I got some Zofran.  I thought it would be my new best friend, but now, it doesn't seem to do anything :(  I am only 9 weeks, I shouldn't be having all these issues...haha!  I am hoping it ends soon.  We took Jamie to gymnastics this morning, then lunch (gotta love coupons), and then Target quick.  I really overdid it today.  I feel like poo right now!  I have supper in the oven and I'm hoping to feel at least a little better after I eat.  I also have this 4 year old laying next to me right now talking nonstop!  He has not been a very good  boy the past couple of days.  All of that does not help my situation at all.  I noticed that when I get mad and all worked up, things hurt worse....keep it cool mama!  Well, time to finish up supper and get the little one up from nap....something the older one refused to take today :)

Some Thoughts

Have you ever felt judged for how you do things just by what people write on their blogs, or on the internet, or what they say?  Even if they are just talking and not saying it towards anyone?  I've been feeling that a lot lately.  I see things on blogs, or Facebook, or just people talking.  I know that they aren't talking about me, but it is just the tone that comes across.  It got me thinking....which my dad always warned me about because I might hurt myself :) 

So, you know what?!  I love butter!  That is right, I put it on almost everything.  Paula Deen would be proud of the all the butter I used to make hash browns tonight.  I am all about eating healthy, but come on.  I'm not going to get rid of everything and just live off of beans and grass.  We may have gone gluten free, but we still eat yummy foods.  Another thing, I had epidurals with both boys and definitely plan on doing it again.  Good for you if you can do it without, but me, can't do it!  If I can have some lovely drugs to take the pain away, I'm all for it.  I went 6 or 7 hours with Jamie and that was all I could do.  Oliver, that pain was so intense from the very beginning.  I loved that with Oliver, after I got that epidural, I just laid back in my bed, watched some music videos on CMT and pushed out a lovely little boy :)  My babies were formula fed.  I have nothing against breast feeding moms, but it was just a personal choice for me.  The thing that bothers me, is that you get some moms who get a little crazy and think that if you give your babies formula, then you are a bad mom.  I think that is where I feel most judged and it isn't even people saying things to me personally.  My boys are perfectly healthy.  Jamie had his fair share of ear infections but then Oliver, not a single ear infection....ever!  Oliver would drink a gallon of milk in 2 days if I let him....I've heard that supposedly, dairy causes ear infections.  Oliver also has asthma, but so do I and I was breastfed.  Something else, I love rocking my babies!  I was thinking about this the other day and how much I missed it.  I rocked Jamie to sleep til he was about 13 or 14 months old.  Oliver was much younger, but he just wanted to lay in his bed and go to sleep on his own.  I love snuggling with them.  They are only young once.  That rocking time, that was my special time with them.  It was just the two of us, we could talk.  Well, I would talk and they would stare!  Stick that pacifier in when nothing else would work, golden.  I can't wait to snuggle this new baby and rock him/her.  Now, this post isn't meant to judge or put anyone down.  I am just putting myself out there.  I know there are other moms out there like me :)  I am also a baby wearing, cloth diapering mama.  I love my Moby wrap and Ergo carrier.  But, just because I use cloth diapers, doesn't mean that it happens all the time.  I have some right now that really need to be washed and Oliver has been wearing regular diapers.  I really do prefer the cloth ones.  They cost a little more money when you first get started, but that is it.  Obviously, it is more work, but it saves us money.  And, they are pretty cute!  Most times in our house, you will find the TV on.  At night, it is me....all me!  During the day, I think it is on mostly for noise.  The boys watch some cartoons in the morning, but then they are off playing in their room, or playing downstairs and really don't pay any attention to the TV.  So why is it on?  Good question! 

So, there it is!  Hopefully some of you understand where I am coming from.  This is what works for me.  Plus, I really don't like feeling as if I'm being looked down upon.  Well, this mama needs to hit they hay!

Alone Time

Today I am 7 weeks, but feel and look further.  According to my scale, I have already gained a little over 10 pounds.....come on!  I am barely eating because I feel like crap.  The beginning of the week seems to be better.  I think I have been pushing myself too far.  After this sickness part passes, I will be able to do so much more again. 

Alone time....sounds wonderful :)  If only the boys would take decent naps!  The hubby has been feeling a little left out since I got pregnant.  I pretty much don't want to be by anyone.  I just feel gross.  I know he just wants to spend time with me.  He does have a work dinner tonight and I am going with him.  Even though I feel like dirt, it should be a good time.  Plus, tomorrow is Saturday so I can sleep in :) 

Speaking of tomorrow, we are having a little party for the boys.  I feel kind of bad though because I'm not sure if any of their little buddies are able to come anymore.  I know that they probably won't care, it is still their day.  I got some cool Avengers decorations.  Maybe a little too much, but who cares!  I will make cupcakes tonight and decorate them in the morning.  We are going to have Mickey, Iron Man and Captain America cupcakes. 

Want to hear something funny?  Jamie and I were talking about the baby the other night....and he really wants a sister...but, he told me: "Mom, I don't know if the baby will have a big butt or not cuz daddy has a big butt!"  What in the world?!  I'm not sure where that came from.  Makes me laugh though! 

Vacation Pictures

Ok, how about a post that isn't so down?!  How about some lovely pictures of two handsome boys?  Our vacation to Wisconsin was a good time.  The picture below is of Jamie wearing Uncle Nick's football jersey at one of his games.  I love his thumbs up!

 

 

 

Jamie also got his very own fishing pole....a cool Buzz Lightyear one that lights up when you cast it.  He got to go fishing a couple of times and even caught a fish or two.  Here is he fishing with grandma.

 

 
This little boy melts my heart!  His who face lights up when he smiles.  He had a blast getting to see everyone and play outside all the time.  And the little man happens to have a birthday tomorrow and will be two!

 

The boys went on tractor rides almost everyday, especially Jamie!  I was shocked when I looked out the window and saw Oliver going for a ride.  He wouldn't go near the tractor when it was on.  These two little guys are farm boys at heart.

 

Oliver was in love with the kitties!  Funny thing, he hates our cat and gets super scared when he sees him.  He held those kitties every time he was outside. 

 

Jamie also loves kitties.  He would cuddle with them in the chair, sit on the ground with them, and just play with them in general.

 

The big county fair goes on during Labor Day weekend.  This fair happens to be at the fairgrounds in my parent's back yard.  We went to the parade on Saturday and as you can see, Jamie was happy to be there.  This was taken when he saw all the tractors coming.

 

Not only does he love kitties, but he loves horses.  They had pony rides at the fair and Jamie couldn't wait to ride one.  He had a giant smile the entire time.  Oliver said he wanted to go on, but when it came time to it, it was a no-go. 

 

Oliver did however love going on this ride.  I have pictures of me on this same ride at this age...and I mean this same ride :)

 

Here are the boys with their Wisconsin cousins: Kaydence, Laylah, and Levi.  The smiled so nicely and my boys...nothing!

 

 

My dad has his own polka band and the boys love polkas!  Oliver was very interested in my dad's concertina.  He wanted to help him play and watched him very closely.

 

My dad's band played at the fair on Monday and the boys got to enjoy some of that before we had to leave.  They are all about music and dancing :)

Complaints

Ok, beware....I'm going to complain about some things in this post!

I love that we are bring another baby into this world, but oh my word!  This time around is super hard.  Being pregnant is not easy or fun for me.  I don't mean to offend anyone....those who love being pregnant!  I am very lucky that I can have children, I know that.  I just want the throwing up to stop!  It is never the same thing that causes it.  I never got sick with Jamie and only got sick a few times with Oliver....but I felt sick all the time for about 4/5 months.  I'm pretty sure I have gotten sick more than I ever did with Oliver.  I hate feeling like this.  I want to play with my boys, go in my kitchen without wanting to throw, heck, just be able to sit without feeling gross.  The thing with the kitchen....I smell something that nobody else smells!  It smells nasty and smells are not treating me well this time around.  I really wish that I could be one of those ladies that just enjoys being pregnant and can do anything.  After the 4th or 5th month, I usually get better.  I missed Sunday lunch yesterday because I got sick in the morning and just felt horrible all day.  I layed in bed the entire day.  Now today, I still feel like crap.  I still feel like I could throw up all over the place, no matter what I eat.  I know I am getting dehydrated, but drinking makes me feel gross.  I have a full water bottle next to me and I am making myself drink.  I can barely sit or walk right now without feeling like I could fall over.  I know, I know, stop your complaining.  You should be happy that you are able to have kids.  I just wish that I didn't have to feel this gross. 

Then I think about the boys and how happy they are for a new baby, especially Jamie.  He wants a sister!  He rubs my tummy and says he waved to the baby.  He likes to tell me how my belly is getting bigger. 

It is sometimes hard to be happy when not everyone around you is happy.  When someone tells you to your face that you are stupid and an idiot for getting pregnant....makes things difficult.  Then you have people who act differently around you.  I know that some days my kids drive me crazy and I want to scream, but what parent doesn't have that!?  I have one child that is either ADD or ADHD and another who has Sensory Processing Disorder.  This is no excuse or a pity card, but it makes things a little harder.  Luckily, we have changed Jamie's diet around and are getting help with Oliver and things are getting better.  But, that is no reason to not have any more kids.  I want more kids....even though I feel like crap! 

Ok, I got my complaining out and I'm sorry if I offended anyone.  I feel better getting it out there. 

Baby on Board

Well friends, we have a baby on board!  We found this out on our vacation :)  Funny thing, I was getting sad because I felt like my shirts were not fitting right.  Right now I am 6 weeks, but look a bit further along than that!  I can't suck it in, I had to break out the maternity pants, and I have a definite baby bump.  I know it is pretty early to tell people, but like I said, there is no hiding it!  Jamie was very excited when we told him, he said, "oh wow!"  He now tells me that my belly is getting bigger and he likes to touch my belly and "wave" to the baby.  He really wants a sister, that is all he talks about.  Oliver now loves babies and loves to be around them.  He points to my belly and says "baby in there." 
So far, this pregnancy isn't that much different from the first two.  I feel sicker than a dog and have gotten sick.  One difference is that smells are really getting to me this time.  I smell something in our refrigerator, something horrible, but no one else smells it!  I am also very tired.  It could be just because I have worked a ton this week.  I took two naps yesterday and I also went to bed at 9:30 the night before!  I did the same last night, which means at 10, it is past my bed time!  I think I'm going to hit the hay.  We are getting pictures taken in the morning.  Have a good night!

Vacation

So, where is that post that I said I would write after therapy the other week?!  Well, yeah, that didn't happen!  The boys ended up getting a lovely cough the other week.  Jamie's only lasted a few days, so no big deal.  Oliver on the other hand, not the case.  He has asthma, so when he gets a cough, it is never just a simple cough.  After a couple of days, it was getting worse and he was starting to wheeze and gag.  I knew it wasn't a simple cough.  On Thursday night, I took him to urgent care.  Oliver's cough turned out to be pneumonia.  Did I mention that I were leaving 2 days later for Wisconsin?!  He was pretty miserable, but at least we got some answers and some meds.  This was the first time that he had been on any type of medicine, besides his heartburn and asthma stuff.  Friday, he had therapy.  Yes, I still took my sick child to therapy.  This was his last scheduled appointment and we needed to get the rest of his appointments set.  He was actually pretty good.  He played really nice and didn't really act sick.  His therapy is really helping!  As I have said before, his speech has taken off.  He is also getting better with water.  At his last appointment, he went right to the water table and wanted to play.  He still isn't putting his hands down in the water, but he is touching things that are wet.  We were also out in the rain the other day and he just laughed!  Then, on Saturday morning we left for Wisconsin to visit my family.  We were there for 10 days.  I will post about that later after I get all the pics on the computer.  What is a post about a vacation without any pictures?!  Things have been pretty crazy since we got back.  I have to much unpacking to do and need to get the house in order.  Next week is going to be even more crazy.  Jamie starts gymnastics, school, Fireflies, and Sunday school!  Oh, and Oliver starts feeding therapy :)

Water Play

How about some water play for Oliver?!  That is right, Oliver!  Now, it is nothing huge, but he is getting there!  In therapy last week, he went right over to the water table.  He doesn't stick his hand in the water but touches things that his therapist brings out.  I was washing my hands the other day and he was watching me, as he usually does, and put his hand up and said "me!"  I touched one of his hands with my wet hand and then he wiped it off, just like mommy.  Then he wanted to do it with daddy and made him go in the kitchen and wash his hands.  Later that day I put a little water in a bowl and gave Oliver some blocks to play with.  He put the blocks in and would take them out.  He wasn't a huge fan when the water touched his hand, but we have been teaching him to "shake it off" and that has been helping.  I'm glad that we are seeing improvement in this area.  Now, if we could only get the food thing under control!  He is on the waiting list for speech therapy.  I will post more on Friday after his appointment :)

Overwhelmed

That is how I am feeling lately, overwhelmed!  Oliver's therapy is going really well.  I am seeing some improvements.  His speech has just taken off!  If you aren't with him everything, you probably wouldn't be able to understand him, but this is huge!  I heard him say Mickey the other day instead of the sound that he used to make.  I was so excited!  I gave him a huge hug and I just wanted to cry.  I mean, we still have a lot a to work on, but things are moving in the right direction. 

We are going away for the weekend so hopefully that will be nice.  I just need a break from things, but I bet some of those things will come along.  I have started making more crafts though!  I decided that I was going to do the craft show this fall at our church.  I have always wanted to sell my crafts and I figure I might as well go for it!  I made a page on Facebook last year for my crafts and then just left it alone....you can see the badge on the left :)  I'm going to keep updating it and posting pictures.  Crafting is relaxing to me...my zen :)  But now, I must head to bed since I work at 5:30am! 

Therapy Update

Therapy has been going well.  He likes going and today he was very happy in the waiting room.  He kept saying "ball" because there are very big balls that he gets to play with!  We are still doing the brushing thing at home.  I don't really see a whole lot of changes, but it is early.  I have to admit, I have been getting very impatient with everything.  I just wish that he would talk instead of the whining and grunting.  He says words, but most are only the first part of the word.  I can see that he wants to say things, but just can't get them out.  Maybe I am just more frustrated because I see him trying and wanting to do things and it is killing me.  I am also getting really frustrated with the whole eating thing.  I want him to eat like he used to.  I'm not sure if I mentioned it last time, but Oliver is now 22 months old and has only gained 4 pounds since his 9 month check-up!  Who knows, maybe I just need to restart things.  It has been a crazy week.  My dad and youngest brother are on their way here, that should be a nice little break!  The boys love grandpa and uncle.  I have been struggling with a lot of things lately, but this will not turn into a pitty post :)  I need to think of the positives, right?!  Oliver may have this silly sensory issue, but it is healthy!  Jamie may have his little quirks, but he is healthy!  We have a couple of trips coming up and that will be a nice break.  Ok, well I'm going to end this post.  I'm going to think of something happy or fun to post about next.  I have so many ideas, I just need to get at them!

Time Out?!

Can I just have a time out?!  Our days are full of therapy appointments, doing therapy at home, changing diets, finding foods, and getting Jamie ready for pre-school.  I am going to a chiropractor, as well as Jamie, for my tail bone pain.  It isn't the traditional kind though, it is called Nucca and I love it.  There is no twisting, cracking and popping.  Turns out I have a lot of issues...haha!  My appointments got cancelled this week because my doc is out.  Since I need everything to get back in line and even again, it causes pain.  Well, my neck is really hurting and yesterday and today I woke up with a headache and had it all day....all because of my neck pain.  I called today and got 2 appointments in this week because I really don't think I can wait til next week.  I'm really hoping I feel better soon.  Then there is Oliver's therapy.  I know that what he has really isn't that bad compared to what other parents have to go through.  So, when I talk about having rough days, please don't think that I am comparing it to something like cancer.  I was going to write more, but my head is killing me and I need to work nice and early tomorrow.  Goodnight :)

Finally

We finally got a diagnosis for Oliver last week....Sensory Integration/Processing Disorder.  I have suspected this but needed that confirmation.  We have a lot to work on with him.  He also lacks protection skills.  So, when he falls or trips or whatever, he doesn't try to protect himself or stop himself.  We were supposed to have his first therapy appointment on Monday, but his therapist had to cancel last minute.  We now have to wait til Friday.  I have to admit, I was not happy.  I know things come up, so I understand that.  I was just looking forward to getting started on this therapy thing.  He has therapy once a week for 45 minutes.  I have a feeling this will be very hard work, but I can't wait to see the results. 

*Update*
So, I started this post the other day and forgot about it.  We had Oliver's appointment and it went well.  He is over-sensitive in some areas and under-sensitive in others.  One type of therapy we need to do with him is called "brushing."  We have this special brush that we need to use on his arms, back, legs, and feet.  After that we have to do "joint compression" and I guess this releases chemicals or something.  It is suppose to help relax the child, make him more alert to his senses.  We have to do it every 2 hours while he is awake for 3 weeks.  Over time, his body will get used to this and stay more alert and he will be able to go longer between brushes.  It sounds a little strange and I'm not sure how exactly it works, I just know it does.  He also needs speech therapy, not only for his speech but because he has a weakness in his mouth.  This explains why he mainly eats soft and mushy foods because he doesn't have to work for it.  He has a lot of things that need to be worked on but his therapist said we should be able to do a lot for him.  It is good that we are doing it now because his body and brain can be re-trained as opposed to waiting to he was older.  I told her that I got to thinking about the future and that I don't want him to be in school but can't wash his hands, or play with paint, or do other fun things because he is scared.  She did say that there is no known cause of this either...I've been thinking a lot lately that I did something to cause this, even though I read that there is no clear cause.  I also told her how people have been asking if he is autistic and how much that irritates me.  She said he is not autistic and that people assume when kids have sensory issues that they automatically have autism (because some kids with autism have sensory issues).  Most people just don't understand what we are dealing with.  I have been trying real hard to ignore these people.  It sucks though when you have family members saying things.  Telling you that it your fault your child has issues, or that you are a bad parent and just need to discipline your child.  Some of these people don't have kids and think they know all, or they have kids and think what they do is what everyone should do.  I am also doing research on smoothies to boost Oliver's weight a little.  I weighed him the other day and he is 26 pounds which means he has only gained a half a pound since his 15 month check-up (he is almost 22 months).  I know weight gain slows down, but to me, a half a pound in 7 months is not enough.  He was always in the higher percentile for weight also, until he got all picky with his food, then he dropped down.  I'm hoping that after some speech therapy he will get better with food.  Just as I am typing this, Oliver said "baby" which probably doesn't sound like that big of a deal to most, but he is almost 2 and just said it now.  He doesn't even say "hi" so I'm going to take any words that I can :)

At a Loss

I am at a loss, a loss for feelings, for words...ok, maybe not words.  There is a whole lot of drama going on in my family.  Drama that I won't go into detail about because I will not blast all that on the internet.  We all have drama but this sucks!  I hate it when people change into someone completely different.  I guess what is worse, is that you can't say anything because if you do, you are the bad person.  But talking doesn't always help.  Sometimes it makes people angry or causes them to make silly threats, or act very immature.  People can talk about me, but when people start dragging my kids into things and saying mean things about them....watch out for this momma bear!  My kids are my life and I'm not going to let things like that happen them, especially at their tender ages.  Some of this I can't fix, I can't talk anymore, they need to figure things out on their own and hopefully that happens soon.  The way I see it, the Big Man upstairs sees all, knows all, and these people have to face that some day.  I need to put it in his hands.  My prayer list is getting larger.  All I can do right now is pray and hope that things will get better.  But like I said, we all have problems, so my prayers will be for anyone having those issues.  Anyway, enough of that!  Now, it is time to sleep....and think of a much more happier post for tomorrow :)

Feeling a little down

Have you ever had those days before?  You know, the kids are being a handful, the house isn't very clean, you haven't started supper, you didn't take a shower?!  The joys of being a mom I guess :)  I have been having some issues with the way I look lately.  I don't want to sound full of myself or vain, I know that have had 2 kids.  But, I'm not liking my belly area, especially by the end of the day and I look pregnant....if I don't suck it all in.  I gained 50 pounds with both boys and lost it all.  I had a job last year (that I absolutely hated) and it involved a lot of walking, lifting, moving, and I was loosing weight and liking it.  Now, I think I have gained a few pounds...my clothes still fit the same, but it is just that stupid belly area.  Then, I always say that I'm going to work-out, do something about it.  I got Zumba for the Wii and was doing that for a little bit, but then, of course fell off of that.  I feel so self conscience about how I look.  I know that is stupid and I shouldn't feel like that.  The hubby tells me that I look good, or hot, and I tell him he has to say that :)  You know what sucks though?  I am thinking about food right now and how I want to eat something!  I'm going to do Zumba tonight and keep doing it.  So I can eat something, right?!  Now that it is getting to be summer here in Michigan (we've had some crazy weather the past few months), I will be taking walks with the boys a lot!  I always put Oliver in the Ergo carrier also, weight resistance, right!  This post isn't suppose to make you feel sorry for me.  I just want to get my feelings out.  And I know that there are probably other moms who think the same thing. 

Gluten Free, Anyone?

We have decided to put Jamie on a gluten free diet and see how things go.  We saw the doctor last week and he said there are definite signs that we can't ignore.  Once he starts school, we will see more....ADD, ADHD and test for things.  I told the doctor that I just wanted somewhere to go from here.  I didn't like the advice we got from the play therapist....good luck, it will be hard.  He recommended fish oil and vitamin D.  I asked about him going completely gluten free and what he thought about it.  I have read a lot about gluten and ADD/ADHD.  So, we are changing Jamie's diet and trying the vitamins.  I can definitely see a change in him.  Daddy has messed up a couple times, but we're working on that :)  We have a calender in the kitchen, so I'm going to write on there what J can have when I am at work.  Now, obviously, we know that Jamie's tantrums will not disappear all together, he's 3!  But, when we don't mess up on the diet, he does not throw his fits where he cries and screams for a minimum of an hour.  When he does get upset, it is easier to calm him down.  He is growing out of his naps and usually throws a major fit when I tell him it is a nap day.  Now, he tells me he doesn't want to take a nap, but will go lay down with me and take a nap, no tears.  How about bed time?  Oh my, so much easier.  I'm excited to see how things go in the next couple of weeks. 


We are still waiting to hear about an appointment for Oliver.  Daddy called the children's hospital just to make sure they actually got the referral.  They did, but said it would be a couple of weeks before anyone called and who knows how long after that he will get in.  It has been 5 months already since his initial referral and we still haven't seen anyone.  I'm getting pretty frustrated and just hope that we can get in soon.


On a completely different note.  I was outside today and was going to plant some flowers in front of the house (the ones I planted the other week died for some reason).  I was digging holes and all of a sudden a stupid frog came at me!  It was in the spot I was digging!  I jumped back and went straight in the house.  Oh my word, I hate frogs!

So Much to Say

Ok, so Blogger changed things around, I'm having some issues with this :)  It is telling me that I'm not following any blogs, but I am.  Oh my, I will have to figure it out later. 

Another thought, why do people have blogs, but never write....haha!  I have so many things going on, things that I want to blog about, but just never do.  Some things, I just won't blog about though. 

I am missing my grandpa like crazy.  Easter was especially hard.  We stayed in Michigan so that was probably better.  We spent every holiday with grandpa....Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, he would always come over and eat with us.  I almost asked my mom if he was coming over for Easter.  Why would I do that?  I finally uploaded the pictures from the last time we saw him.  It took me a while to do that.  I couldn't even look at them on my camera.  I'm so glad that Jamie got to spend some time with him and I know that he will always remember that.  Jamie has a super memory!  I love the fact that Jamie knows great grandpa is in heaven with Jesus and is with great grandma Sadie again :)  He also knows that if he ever gets a sister, her name will be Sadie.

We have been dealing with some sensory issues with Oliver.  We are waiting to hear about getting him in to see an occupational therapist.  We brought up the issues at his 15 month check-up (he is now 20 months).  We had mentioned things in past, but we were told that it was just a stage and that he would get over it.  When there was no change at the next appointment, especially with his fear of water, the doctor said he needed some therapy, mainly for the fear of water.  We got sent to a psychologist, but had to wait almost 3 months before we got in there.  She met with us for an hour and said that he needed an occupational therapist (which is what we were getting) and that we had to go somewhere else.  She diagnosed him with severe separation anxiety, but said that the anxiety is most likely caused by the sensory issues.  I'm a little confused as to why she didn't diagnose him with a sensory disorder.  So, we have been trying to find a place that will see him and takes our insurance.  We have pretty good insurance, but this therapy stuff is strange.  I called one place and they said they could help, but needed a referral.  I did that and then didn't hear anything back.  I called and it sounded like they (the therapy place) never got the paper work.  Now, I was told the first time I talked to them, that they would be able to help him.  I talked to them 2 weeks later and now they weren't sure if they could help.  The lady called back and said that her therapist felt that Oliver was "too specialized" and wouldn't be able to help.  Who says that!?  I found another place that accepted our insurance, but the occupational therapy was not covered.  I was so frustrated at this point!  I was sick of calling people and not getting anywhere.  I want to get him the best help that we can, but therapy is very expensive!  The hubby then called the children's hospital.  We are waiting to hear back from them this week about an appointment.  The first psychologist we saw was really nice really understood what we were going through. She told us about some books to read.  I asked if they would help with Jamie and she said most definitely.  It was like she could see things in Jamie.  The doctor also said that she couldn't officially diagnose it, but said she wouldn't be surprised if Oliver had ADD.  That really got me thinking about Jamie and how the play therapist that he saw just said it was an intelligence thing, that he is just so smart and that was pretty much it.  She said good luck and that things will be hard.  Ok, If Oliver will have ADD, then his brother for sure has it!  I don't care if they do, I would just like to know so we can learn techniques to help them now.  We have been having some issues with Jamie, so he has an appointment tomorrow with his doctor.  I have been feeling like such a horrible parent lately.  The hubby is at work at night, and nights are the hardest.  I yell at the boys and then feel so bad for doing that.  I have been working really hard on that.  Yelling has no effect on Jamie.  He responds much better if you talk calmly to him and explain things.  But oh my, that is so hard to do sometimes. 

Ok, I think this is long enough :)  I say it all the time, but I really want to blog more and I'm really going to try.

Never Ending

Does it ever seem like your work at home is never done?! I have always thought that, but have really been feeling it lately. I feel like all I do is clean and yet my house never seems clean! But, lets get real here, I have two little boys who love running around, are full of energy, and our house looks like we live here :) My problem is that I have so many things I want to do. I start one thing and then move to another, and then another, and I'm still stuck in the clutter. I am trying really hard to simplify my list. I need to finish a room before moving onto the next. And honestly, I'm not going to be cleaning all day instead of spending time with my boys. I pick up their toys and little messes during the day, but save the big things (like dishes) til after they are in bed. It bothers me when things aren't in their places, or there are dishes on the counter (which happens often) and it really bothers me when I get the whole house looking so nice and then 2 days later, it is a mess again. Now that it is getting so nice out, we will be spending more time outside :) I hope this doesn't sound whiny, I'm just at the point where I can't do everything. Like I said though, simplify...that is what I'm going to try this week. It is now time to put away the mountain of clothes that are sitting on my bed. That, is another bad habit of mine...haha...I leave the clean, folding laundry in baskets. In my next house, we are going to have closets....and not just one small one either. We will say that is my excuse :)

It is not Goodbye, it is See You Later

I have been trying to write this post all week. Two weeks ago, I said goodbye to my grandpa. But, I am thinking of it as a "see you later" not "goodbye" thing. My grandpa was a great man. He was 94, a WWII vet, owned a bakery with my grandma, had a large family, had this smirk when he said something funny, liked to talk to you in Polish (even though we had no clue what he was saying!), had tons of stories, and had a lot to teach us. We went back to Wisconsin two weeks before he passed so see him one last time. I got a call saying his kidneys were shutting down and it wouldn't be much longer, maybe a few days. I don't think the doctor knew my grandpa very well! He didn't even seem like anything was wrong. It was nice for the boys to be able to see him again, although Oliver won't remember things. Jamie was his little buddy the day we were over there. They were sharing food in the kitchen and just having some special time together. I have a picture from that visit, but just haven't put it on the computer yet. Honestly, I can't handle looking at it right now. I get the local newspaper from my home town and broke down when I saw his obituary in there. I don't have a lot of memories of my grandpa from when I was little. I remember visiting them (they lived only a couple of minutes away and we were there ALL the time!) and grandpa would be sitting in his chair in the study, doing his crossword puzzles. After my grandma passed away, we got to know grandpa a little better. I never knew he liked to talk to so much! My siblings and I were there a lot and loved visiting with him. We were never too busy to chat for a while. Whenever I would come back from college, I would always head to his house. He would tell me about his garden, or what his neighbors were doing (he knew everything), and he always had cookies! He would make me cookies to take back to college with me. Then, he was diagnosed with prostate cancer and almost didn't make it. My parents were there to take him to his appointments, made sure he had food, and just company. He would come over for every Easter, every Thanksgiving. I am so thankful that we had that time together. I wasn't sure how I was going to handle the funeral. I went to the wake for my grandma, but could barely handle that (I was about 13 I think) and I didn't go to the funeral. I did know that I didn't want the boys at the wake or the funeral. We told Jamie that great grandpa went to be with Jesus and that he was happy and could see grandma again and Jamie got that. But, I didn't want him to see him laying there and start asking questions. The wake was very nice. He looked so peaceful. You see, grandpa was ready to go "home." I think he was annoyed at times that he was still here. He had people to see on the other side. It makes me happy and more at peace knowing that grandpa knew where he was going and was totally ready to go. But, we were not ready. The funeral was extremely hard for me, for my whole family. My parents, siblings and I spent so much time with grandpa. And now....now we are lost....what are going to do? My youngest brother, who is 15, hadn't really shown any emotions about anything, until it was time to say goodbye one last time before they closed the casket. He lost it and I felt it was my role to be there for him, I'm the big sister. I grabbed him and he just put his head on my shoulder and just cried. My other two brothers were pallbearers. We went out to the cemetery. I then saw my other brothers loose it. Again, I felt like it was my responsibility to take care of them. Me and my siblings were the last ones in the cemetery, and that felt right. But, it was so hard to see my brothers like that.

I think what is even more hard, is that my dad's family is growing apart. Things were really good when both of my grandparents were alive. Things started to go downhill a couple years after my grandma passed and just got worse and worse. We all used to get together all the time and had fun. Now, people are so mean to others. To me, it seems like my family gets it the worst. I mean, I shouldn't have relatives talking bad about me or my kids. That is sad! The last couple of weeks of grandpa's life was hard because all these people came around that really weren't around before.....you know the ones that are too busy to come around. But then, then all of a sudden people care. But, then I stop....I know that my grandpa knew who truly cared for him. And now, now he is looking down on all of us and seeing how foolish some people are acting.

I do want to say that this post has taken me a week to write. I still can't believe that he is gone. I keep thinking that we will see him when we are back in town, that Jamie can hang out with him some more, and that Oliver can get to know him. I will miss our chats. I think one of the saddest things is just that the family is falling apart. I can only pray that things will get better. Now, I only have stories to share with the boys. They will know great grandpa and great grandma. Jamie knows that great grandpa went to be with Jesus and that he is happy and is watching over us. I have to remind myself of that also.

Back on the Gluten Free Lifestyle

Let me tell you, this gluten free thing can be tricky at times. I was having a lot of knee pain again, so I started doing even more research on the foods I was eating. I found a few things that were questionable and I cut those out. Things got better again and I was so happy. Then on Thursday, the knee pain returned. I was really frustrated at this point. Well, Wednesday night I had two pieces of Hershey's miniature dark chocolate. I guess Hershey is very good at hiding their gluten and not telling people. I found out that their products are a big no-no. I was happy to find this out though....at least it wasn't the other stuff I was eating! I can live without their chocolate :)

Last night, I was talking to my super bestest friend from back home and she asked if I cook gluten free when people come over. We really haven't had anyone over for dinner, except my sister and brother-in-law. But, the answer is yes. When I cook meals for us, they are GF. I am not going to take away mac and cheese from the little ones, but I do want to limit their gluten intake. Eventually I would like the boys to eat GF cereal. Their fruit snacks are GF. I am planning on making my own bread, so they would eat that also. I'm curious to see if it will help Jamie with his eczema. He only has problems during the winter. This winter has been so crazy, weather wise, that he hasn't really had any issues. Well, that is my update. I have to work at 8am....I know, not early for most people, but for me it is! My boys sleep til at least 9, and I love that :) Anyway, time for bed!

Christmas 2011

I love Christmas! I have always loved it. I love picking out a tree...yes, I real one! I love cluttering my house with totes, upon totes so I can decorate (I don't like taking everything done which is why I haven't done it yet...haha...this week though!). I think I love Christmas even more now that I have kids. Jamie is at the age where he understands it more. To see his excitement is great. I can't wait til next Christmas with Oliver and Jamie freaking out!

The boys got some fun little things in their stockings. We decided that we will open stockings on Christmas Eve and do presents on Christmas day. We also thought it would be fun to get Christmas PJs in their stockings to wear the next morning.

Yes, Jamie has a belt on with his pajamas...haha...he got it in his stocking and just loves it. Let me tell you, it was not easy finding a belt for his age! He really, really needed one :)

I love decorating! Even when the lights are being a pain and not working! I absolutely love big trees. I even told the hubby that our next house needs to be bigger and have taller ceilings (ours are 8 feet now and that is a good size) because I want a bigger tree :)

We put up our tree and decorations the day after Thanksgiving and keep it til about the second week in January. The boys love all the stuff in the house. It is going to look so boring after it is all down. I do have some plans for the living room though, just to make it pop more :)

The boys really liked their presents. They both got Cozy Coupe cars which was their "big" present. I was happy with the deal I got on these. Every place that I saw them, they were $60, but I got them for $40 :) I think the best deal I got though, was the dancing/rocker Mickey they got. I got for $21 instead of $50! There were a lot of gifts for them, but a lot of little things. I love finding deals :)

This was the best picture of the boys together that I could get...haha...it is not easy! I have no idea what Jamie was saying or pointing at, but it is great. I hope you all had a great Christmas and have a great 2012!

What to write?

I have been thinking a lot lately about what to write. I think about it everyday, but then I get tired, or just don't feel like it. This is sad to me, I really want to write on here more. I have so much on my mind, so many things going on. I think tonight I will just do a quick recap and work on a Christmas post.

I finally quit my job that absoutly hated! I got a job at Panera Bread (the reason for quitting the other job) which is a perfect place for a gluten free person...haha! I am really liking this job. It gets stressful at times and there is still drama, but nothing like my old job. Plus, I get to work with my sister....which has been a good thing so far! I'm still doing the GF thing, although my knee pain has come back, but I still have lots to learn about this. I have been doing more and more research and I'm hoping that after being GF for a few months....without messing up....things will be better. I did have a follow-up with the rhuematoidologist the other day and he told me the gluten free thing makes sense because of my blood work. I guess they tested my wheat tolerance...or something...and he said it was a 9.5 out of 10 meaning I definately have an issue with it. The thing that gets me, is that when they called with my test results a couple of months ago, they said nothing about the wheat thing, only that I was a little low on vitamin D. Why wouldn't they tell me about the wheat thing!

The hubby had surgery in the beginning of December. It was nothing serious, but was home from work for a week. It was a long week...haha! It was good having him home for a bit, but that messes with our schedule. Plus, he wasn't allowed to lift the boys for that week so that made things a little harder on mommy :)

Jamie is a very active 3 year old! I wish he could give me some of that energy once and a while. This child is so incredibly smart! I know parents say that all the time, but really, this kid is amazing. I can't believe that he will be 4 this fall and will be going to preschool....I know, I know, I still have 9 months, but I have a feeling that it will fly by! He is such a good big brother. He may get irratated with Oliver, but come on, it is what brothers do! In Jamie's defense, it is Oliver that starts it :) Jamie is also growing so fast. I look at his 2 year pics and get sad because he actually looked like a little kid! He has grown up so much in the past year. He is wearing all 4T and 5T things and his shoe size is 11! I bought him winter boots the other day (we just got snow that actually stuck around yesterday) and got size 1. I want them to fit next winter also. Winter boots are crazy though. Size 1 is huge, but they have so much padding inside that I'm sure when he gets to size 1, they probably won't fit. Jamie has thick feet also.

Oliver, well, he is my little man. He has one of the best smiles ever. He is definately stubborn and has a temper. When he gets mad, he will let you know! We keep telling him to be nice and not to hit, but he is only 15 months old. I am hoping it will settle in soon. He is growing like a weed, he is 32 1/2 inches tall! I think it is so amazing to watch kids learn new things. The smile on Oliver's face when he does something new....oh man, I love it! He knows that he did something new and he is so proud.

Ok, so I'm addicted to the show on Lifetime called One Born Every Minute. It is on right now and I love it. The one bad thing, it makes me want another baby. Jamie keeps telling me that he wants a pink baby!